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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay or do I go?

13 replies

Katie5775 · 05/05/2022 22:40

Hi All,
Recently I began chatting to a lovely guy on social media. He said he was looking to date. Chatting for a week I found out his 3 month relationship ended just 9 weeks ago. She had dumped him. He admitted he is still hurting as the relationship though short was intense.

To ease the pressure I suggested we just met as friends, without labelling it a date, to take the pressure off.

It was amazing and though we planned to meet up for an hour on a walk we ended up going out for a meal as well and spent many hours together. We kissed at the end.

We continue to message but he says he isnt ready to date yet. Most of the messages are me giving him emotional support.

We have arranged to meet again but I don't know if I should. Any ideas?

Do I hang around hoping for things to progress or do I tell him to contact me later, say in a few months, when he's feeling more healed?

Effectively am i being used as a distraction?

OP posts:
seensome · 05/05/2022 22:48

You are being used as a distraction. Don't put your time into this, keep looking for someone that's genuinely into you, don't wait for him.

GroggyLegs · 05/05/2022 22:51

Just checking - 3 MONTHS? Not 3 years?

Sounds... needy?

Katie5775 · 05/05/2022 22:53

Yes just 3 months. Apparently it was very intense and emotional

OP posts:
Bellieboo33 · 05/05/2022 23:09

hmm tricky, I would say just be careful on the emotional support stance because he could end up seeing you as more of a friend if that makes sense, and then any plans for romance would be scuppered. I would vote to send your suggested messaage about getting back in touch when he has had more time to heal. Or you could go on the date and play it by ear then see if you could weave that into the convo in person if you felt it was entering the friend zone
x

Katie5775 · 05/05/2022 23:20

If we meet again soon it will still be as friends. The last meet up went so well, lots of eye contact, good conversation, hugs and a kiss. If he tries again to kiss I suppose I could refuse otherwise Im just in a situationship...
Not sure

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 05/05/2022 23:22

You sound like an unpaid therapist.

What are you getting out of this?

Katie5775 · 05/05/2022 23:27

True.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 06/05/2022 10:45

Why would you 'hang around' waiting for somebody you barely know to become right for you, rather than looking for someone who's right for you now?

LaingsAcidTab · 06/05/2022 11:13

Leave. You are rebound material, and that's what he's interested in (plus your very generous ability to listen) - not you.

Cherry35 · 06/05/2022 12:11

Leave! It's too strange a man can be so taken after a 3 month relationship. Even I wouldn't feel like that after just 3 months.

I think he's using you as a rebound and/or planning to take you as friends with benefits.

You deserve better!

Gudbrand · 06/05/2022 12:13

Nope. Bye.

His reaction to the end of a 3 MONTH relationship is totally over the top so that tells you all you need to know.

Goatlady5812 · 06/05/2022 16:28

I had this. I was effectively an emotional crutch. And it’s so hard when you can see so much potential. I ended up saying I needed to move on as I was ready too- I HOPED I would still be around when he came out the other side but I wasn’t waiting for him to do so.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2022 16:31

What a ridiculous waste of your time. You could be at home, washing your hair or something.

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