Controlled by my ex - has this happened to anyone?

[summercompanion]

I heard about this programme this morning on Women’s hour - which I am definitely going to watch www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/itvs-ruth-dodsworth-shares-terrifying-26877897.amp

And I mistakenly thought it was called'controlled by my ex' rather than controlled by my partner'.

I wonder if anyone else has been controlled by an ex or if it's just me?

I first tried to leave my ex in 2011. I left again in 2012 and filed for divorce. He managed to block that using various methods. I finally was able to leave for good in 2015. Filed for divorce again- which was concluded in 2019.
But every moment of every day for myself and my children was controlled by him.

I finally plucked up the courage to get a non-mol in 2021.

But this year he's used court to try to block me moving house. And to determine what school and Gp my children go to.

I get no let up at all. He is so forceful. I am now finally using all the powers of the law to protect myself, but it has cost me £20,000 so far, and no noticeable improvement in my daily life.

I feel I did the right thing leaving- but had absolutely no inkling that it wouldn't reduce his control.

Has anyone else experienced this?

It sounds absolutely exhausting. I hope things improve eventually. I don't have any experience but didn't want to read and run. Do you have any support?

Thank you- I've got my parents- and my new boyfriend- who ex assaulted. My boyfriend regrets not reporting it to the police at the time as it would have probably helped me.

I think everyone either thinks I'm happy with it, or I'm a mug for putting up with it - not realising how desperately hard I'm trying every day to get away from him.

Yes. My ex husband was 10 X worse after we separated. Also in and out of court many many times. It's something that isn't often talked about , the abuse after separation.
Does he still see the child? What steps have you taken to try and reduce contact with him?

Things are better than they were but I've been waiting years to get to the point where it stops, and the truth is, it never will. With DC getting older, the opportunities are decreasing but he still grabs every one. It's all utterly predictable though. It will get better. He'll run out of options, and he'll start seeing it affect you less and less each time.

You poor thing. My x was demented when I left as well. Had me charged with abducting the children then brought me to court to try and order me to return to the UK,, luckily the judge got the measure of him but that was pure good luck I think. I feel bad for you that in TEN years, ELEVEN years, he hasn't let up.

You must be so strong. But you shouldn't have to be this strong. You should be able to relax. I hope that one day you can relax. xx

Thanks all, and @Justmeandme19 and @Doyoumind I'm sorry to hear you've experienced what sounds like exactly the same.

Yes I have put in place a lot of measures now, such as he can't phone me- thanks to the non-mol. Handovers are either done through the school or through my relative.

I am worried for my children though- especially DD, as I feel he will be more forceful on her, now that he is not seeing me.

He sees the children every week, and is always emailing the school and generally making a massive fuss. There is barely a day since we split when I haven't heard from him on some spurious reason or other.

In a way it was better before the pandemic as he was out at work or commuting which took up a lot of his time. Now he is home-based he has a lot more time and energy to focus on us.

I feel I'm being really negative, but I do feel it's something that's barely talked about, and it must be happening to others.