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Original poster

Why he so defensive

25 replies

deni89 · 05/05/2022 12:33

Why would he get so defensive? Been with this guy 5 months a girl has phoned him and I just out of curiosity asked who she was he just said she just a friend they have slept together previously he has been honest with that but he got really angry and said it none of my business. Then has said I should not be jealous etc I only asked who she was …. He then started getting angrier and stating it none of my business and who I am to ask this question and that we not even in an actual relationship. What’s your thought on this please

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 05/05/2022 12:35

I think you should run a mile.

His first reaction is anger and to blame you. That's not going to get any better if you carry on with him.

frozendaisy · 05/05/2022 12:39

Think there are much nicer men out there.

Leave him to it.

You can't live being concerned about reactions on asking anything.

Sparkletastic · 05/05/2022 13:08

Dump him

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 05/05/2022 13:11

Honestly I'd have told him to calm down and then dumped him.

KangarooKenny · 05/05/2022 13:13

Dump him. If there was nothing to hide he would be happy to tell you.

tkwal · 05/05/2022 13:15

I can give you your script which is more than he deserves. Fine, bye.

MardyOldGoth · 05/05/2022 13:20

Either:

a) anger issues
b) something to hide, or
c) both

You up for a relationship with a guy with those issues? Nope, me neither.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/05/2022 13:20

This guy has a lot to learn about how to casually deflect an innocent question about the other people he's secretly shagging 😂

Think I'd go with something like "I was thinking about what you said last night. You're right, we're not in a relationship, and I think if it was going to happen, it would have by now. All the best to you but I think it's best we part as friends. Take care x"

cushioncovers · 05/05/2022 13:25

He has shown you how he will deal with any arguments you have in the future. It is up to you whether you think that sort of behaviour is worth sticking around for.

Bookworm20 · 05/05/2022 13:46

Just leave. What a twat.

You'll become none of his business then.
Leave him to it.

Oh and he got defensive because he is still seeing her, hence the 'we're not even in an actual relationship' comment. That was justifying it to himself.

LadyLolaRuben · 05/05/2022 15:53

I'd go with sending the message EvenMoreFurious suggested. As disappointingly as it is, he's told you you're not in a relationship and he's not behaving like he wants to be in one with you.

Wait until he explodes with the next innocent question or the worry you will feel building up to asking a question you know he wont like. You'll be walking on eggshells with him and you'll be unable to relax.

Red flag OP, he's up to no good, get rid. You can do better, dont waste any more time

Pinkbonbon · 05/05/2022 16:03

That he is a total nutcase and you should run for the hills.

Aggressive behaviour like that isn't OK. Just get away from him as quickly as your legs will carry you.

Bare minimum in someone you are seeing is that he is a nice human being. This guy is the opposite of that.

Watchkeys · 05/05/2022 16:33

Stop seeing him altogether. This is how he deals with conflict. Even if it was a reasonable conflict, rather than him wildly defending something, his conflict resolution style will break a relationship. Easier to leave now, given that he's told you you're not actually together. Just take him at his word on that one, and move on.

me4real · 06/05/2022 16:38

That he rubbed it in that as far as he's concerned you aren't even in a relationship after 5 months, makes it even worse

BlueOverYellow · 06/05/2022 16:48

Dump him

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 06/05/2022 16:53

Lot of red flags here. Even if there is nothing going on his reaction would have me worried. Him saying you aren't even in a relationship makes it easy to walk.

Fairislefandango · 06/05/2022 17:03

Dump. His reaction tells you plenty about what he's like and how he will treat you, regardless of what is/isn't/ever was going on with this other woman.

PriestessofPing · 06/05/2022 17:27

I would suspect he was using the concept of attain being the best form of defence and he was doing something dodgy, but frankly that would be secondary to being spoken to like that which would earn an immediate dumping.

CheekyHobson · 06/05/2022 21:12

Whether he's hiding a flirtation or has anger/defensiveness/self-esteem issues, this is a classic case of "when they show you who they are, believe them".

He has told you that he considers that who he talks to is none of your business and that he doesn't think the two of you are in a relationship. It's hurtful, but you will do yourself a massive favour if you immediately accept that he doesn't value you enough to speak to you with respect, dump him and look for someone who does.

Crazykatie · 06/05/2022 21:16

It’s over with that reaction, just leave, no future.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 06/05/2022 21:16

The guy is disrespectful and has an anger issue, so walk away and let him get mad with himself.

It isn't a big leap from verbal aggression to physical aggression...

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 06/05/2022 21:19

Run just from his reaction
Then he's gonna say you ran because you were jelly and you're gonna just ignore that shizzz =)

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/05/2022 21:21

MardyOldGoth · 05/05/2022 13:20

Either:

a) anger issues
b) something to hide, or
c) both

You up for a relationship with a guy with those issues? Nope, me neither.

And

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/05/2022 13:20

This guy has a lot to learn about how to casually deflect an innocent question about the other people he's secretly shagging 😂

Think I'd go with something like "I was thinking about what you said last night. You're right, we're not in a relationship, and I think if it was going to happen, it would have by now. All the best to you but I think it's best we part as friends. Take care x"

These two posts totally nail it.

meeve · 06/05/2022 21:21

I'd consider that a red flag! It's not healthy to feel like you're walking on eggshells and can't ask simple (reasonable!) questions...Hope you're okay, there's someone much nicer out there for you x

browneyes77 · 06/05/2022 21:58

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/05/2022 13:20

This guy has a lot to learn about how to casually deflect an innocent question about the other people he's secretly shagging 😂

Think I'd go with something like "I was thinking about what you said last night. You're right, we're not in a relationship, and I think if it was going to happen, it would have by now. All the best to you but I think it's best we part as friends. Take care x"

All of this 👆🏼

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