I am exhausted from worrying

[starburstorange]

Hi. I'm in a relationship with my girlfriend and it's so lovely. However I struggle a lot with the end of the honeymoon period and am so sensitive to all the changes. I know she loves me because she's always there for me, tells me she loves me every day, gets excited about my achievements, and support me through everything. She's so gentle and has never said anything nasty. She's also asked me to move in with her soon!

However, I struggle with getting to grips with calming down. The 'newness' in the relationship was incredible. She had only previously been in an abusive relationship and we had such long chats, paragraphs even, about it all and how I was so refreshing, so well matched for her.
She was SO expressive in all our old texts, writing long texts about how amazing it was to meet someone like me, always saying out of the blue 'just want to see you now' 'i miss you' 'can we just meet now' etc. I also feel more effort was made whereas now it's just general chit chat.

Now that we have a routine and are just normal, these things aren't common place anymore and it really makes me worry. I spend a lot of time reading all the old texts and getting upset. It's still lovely now but it's not the same and it makes me scared

So how do I get over this?

This is a really good question. It's good you are aware that there is a honeymoon period and it is followed by a period of adjustment to discover whether you are compatible long term. Honeymoon period is exciting but not sustainable. You want to be able to enjoy the fullness of life: work, family, friends, hobbies as well as time together, which is hard to do in the obsessive period when you lock eyes and barely realise the rest of the world exists.

Start looking for ways to enjoy everyday life together. Maybe small rituals like having morning coffee together or going for a walk at sunset after work.

Make plans together and make an effort to do things that keep the spark alive - take turns to surprise each other with dates or outings. Keep doing things you loved doing together when you first met. And start a hobby together - maybe something physical - park run or kayaking - so you have something fresh and energising to discuss. Create mutual goals: what you both want to do with the next few months.

But you do need to trust that she loves you if she demonstrates it in her actions even though the pages of declarations have eased off.

Thank you so much @VintageGibbon for being so kind, I worried I would get backlash!
I definitely agree that we should do more things to keep the energy and spark up! We do still do regular date nights and things haven't dwindled too much. As you say I think I just miss the constant declarations and heavy flirting that came with the beginning! x

Are you really exhausted from worrying or is that just hyperbole?

breathe. Honeymoons can't last forever.

I would see the 'general chit chat' nature of current texts and communications as being a different expression of the same love.

It shows your relationship is evolving, getting into a groove, becoming comfortable in itself and the 'general chit chat' texts are an expression of that.

Enjoy it - it shows you're both happy, confident, comfortable and growing together.

@starburstorange I think it's important to realise that's why some people never get beyond the 6 months stage in relationships they constantly want/crave that initial buzz/excitement and for most people that's not sustainable long term - that's why you get people starting again with dodgy texting/dating sites whilst in a perfectly good relationship they want that high--. If you realise this and understand and accept then you stand a far higher chance of making things work if you really value your partner.

This.

It's the same love but now it's expressed in calmer terms. Your partner loves you and both tells you and shows you this. What's diminishing is the 'infatuation' stage. You are now entering a calmer, clearer, settled and contented stage where she is talking about living together.

This is such more meaningful than the "I want to see you now" stage.

Have you talked to her about it? If so, what did she say? If not, what is it that stops you?

Your girlfriend love bombed you unintentionally. She probably learned this behaviour in her previous relationships

Codswallop. Most happy relationships have a honeymoon period, it's not a pathology.

Just because the honeymoon period is over, doesn't mean your new life together is going to be any the less loving and caring.

Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you are feeling - but don't be over dramatic about it.

I don't think it sounds like she lovebombed you either. She sounds like a good girlfriend.

I agree with what others have said, the things you mention are a sign that your relationship is growing in love. If you liked it when she would send you romantic messages, send her one and see how she responds, or talk to her and tell her that you used to love when she randomly sent them and they mean a lot to you, and ask her to make an effort to send them every now and again. Then ask her what you do that makes her feel special and loved, and make a conscious effort to do those too.