Nervous about ex

[Pinkieperkie]

I'm sorry I can't go into too much detail because it would be too outing (NC) but has anyone dealt with a controlling ex whose behaviour during the marriage would amount to coercive control (although I didn't realise it at the time)? Now he wants to be involved with the teenage children but was never interested before. He's persistently messaging me and has turned up at the school without warning etc.

The kids don't want to see him atm.

lt is affecting my mental health and I think part of it is to get back at me (even though he ended the marriage).

He will remain abusive towards you and the children going forward, men like this do not let go of their targets that easily. Have you spoken to your solicitor about this matter?. You need legal advice as a matter of urgency. Womens Aid would also be worth contacting here as would the Police.

Block him on your phone. Offer a single email that you will communicate by and only check said email every couple of days. It doesnt matter of he spams it you only need to look at it when your in the correct frame of mind. Also shut down the you need to let me see the kids by repeating the children are teenagers and contact is to be arranged between yourself and the kids. My parents split when I was 14 bit I used to go to my dads every thirsday it had nothing to do with mum I wanted to go ( mostly because he had sky TV so I could watch buffy, I was so cool)

Teenagers can decide if they want to see the other parent so it's unlikely he would get anywhere if he did try something like court.

With regards to showing up at school inform the school what's going on. Tell the kids if hes upsetting them to go back into the school office.

Also @AttilaTheMeerkat advice of seeking legal advice and talking to womens aid is a good idea. They will probably have better suggestions than me

The kids don't want to see him atm.

That's all you needed to post.

Protect your kids. Block him, warn the school, and tell him that if he keeps harassing you, you will contact the police.

You and your children need to stand together.

Hopefully he will just get bored, but if not let him turn up at the school, teach the kids to grey rock. Try and turn all his grunt behaviour into an eye-rolling, what's next? Event.

Grey rock all the way.
If it continues or escalates report.

Have a quiet word with school but they might be under obligations if he has parental responsibility. Although the welfare of your children will come first.

They are teenagers hopefully they have some bolshie about them. You can just respond "they have their own minds now they are not children anymore they are young adults" along those lines.

Basic blank responses.

It will be ok. Once he realises his ego isn't being stroked he will move on to something else.

Thanks so much for this advice, it's really, really helpful.