This is going to be a long one, sorry.
I've been in my current relationship for 4 years now. Not including every other issue we've had as a couple, this one is about trust.
I do not work right now (something he does not mind at all mind you) because it is IMPOSSIBLE finding something that isn't factory or fast food near me. My boyfriend works part time in retail and we don't pay rent so he's fine paying most of the bills. Prior to this, he did not have a job at ALL for over 3 years while I was working full time and paid everything, bills, rent, car payment/insurance, etc. Something we BOTH were using. Not to mention, when I couldn't pay for certain bills my mom always helped us out regardless of her situation. I barely ever asked her for anything but anything helped. This seems irrelevant right now but it's not.
He emphasized to me he didn't care about me not working and he was fine paying bills until I found the right job. But I was so nervous and felt so vulnerable depending on him for once that one day he was going to put me down and treat me like trash for not finding a job fast enough even though I've been trying or he was going to make it an issue paying for something that I didn't have the money for.
Well my worst fear came true last week when he went to pay my car payment for the first time. I have paid my car payment every month for over 3 years on the same day with the same payment. I paid that day with his money, he said he wanted his $3 in change back, so I go inside and told the teller (she asks if I want the change) it was my boyfriends money and I needed it, otherwise I wouldn't need it. She printed a receipt and for the first time in 3 years she decides to print one without a remaining balance on it. It had the monthly balance due on it only.
My boyfriend starts acting really weird. I'm trying to explain she probably thought I wasn't who I was because I said I was using someone elses money and they didn't want to put certain info on the receipt for security reasons. He wouldn't stop saying how weird it was and I'm like it's not that big of a deal at least it's paid this month. He gets really quiet and I'm like you do believe it was paid right? . And he's like I don't trust you or your mom.
???? Where did my MOM get involved for one? And for another, he's saying he doesn't trust ME that I paid MY car payment with HIS money for my car that HE (not I) has been driving 99% of the time in?
Just as a backstory to my mom, my bf does not like her because she gets mentally abused and manipulated by my dad and little sister into blowing her money every week. She barely EVER has money to get by so she sometimes borrows money (she NEVER asks me or my bf for money) & she ALWAYS pays back. But sometimes when she does borrow she is pressured to give the money to my dad or sister for reasons I can't begin to understand. She is abused 1000%, but it's definitely frustrating as her child to witness this daily so I get being confused with her behavior. Still does NOT excuse not liking her and judging her for her own choices when he couldn't possibly fathom her situation.
So, my bf came to the INSANE conclusion that I STOLE his money to put in an account for my mom. EVEN THOUGH my mom does NOT have an account with the credit union, MY NAME was on the receipt under account holder name, the EXACT amount I pay EVERY month was on the receipt where I have paperwork at home to prove the monthly amount. HOW could I steal his money and not put it toward MY bill that was due the NEXT DAY? What was I going to do, his next payday say "hey something weird happened at the bank and I need to pay my payment again"? Who would fall for that and who could possibly think that was something they'd get away with?
I brought all this up to him and I was seething. I was so angry and hurt and confused. And his response was "can you blame me?" And I said yes I can when there is NO logic, NO proof, and NO reason other than paranoia to accuse your girlfriend of something like that. I said you can call me any name in the book, but I'm not going to sit back and let you tell me you can't trust me when I do everything in this world to prove to you otherwise. He told ME I was acting like a child.
I told him how can he love someone and not trust them, especially with something like that? I said what are we doing then? This makes me question our entire relationship.
The rub of it all was when I said I'd go back to the bank to get a new copy of my receipt from today with proof it was paid, he didn't stop me. He let me go in there bawling my eyes out, humiliating myself, telling the teller "my boyfriend thinks I stole his money he gave me can I please have proof I paid my bill." And all I got from him after that was barely a half-assed apology and 2 minutes later pretending like this whole situation didn't even happen.
I'm still angry at him. I'm now more insecure than ever in our relationship. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong to make him think so low of me and my family who's done nothing but love and support and take care of him. Never has there been lying, cheating, stealing, or backstabbing. I'm mind blown I'm still with him. It has me questioning if I'm crazy for still being with him. If he's in the right or if I overreacted. I don't get why he said what he said or why he felt that way. I still try bringing it up to figure it out but he's not a communicator. He doesn't talk to me at all so I'm still clueless.
I don't know what else to do for myself or this relationship. I hate that I feel so low about myself I'd let something so serious like this to me slide without any repercussions. I hate that this is only 1 of dozens of examples of him being a crappy boyfriend and I STILL stay with him or go back to him and I don't know why or how to stop. My self esteem feels nonexistent at this point.