What would you do?

[Cryingwithlaughter91]

So...

An ex of mine from many years ago has frequently contacted me since 2019. It has not been merely contact either, he has persistently asked to see me, to spend time with me (often while drunk) regretting it the next day, then finding some other way to talk to me again. This has persisted continuously. The last was 5 days ago.

There are a few crucial points I must make here.

To begin with:

1. He has a fiancé
2. He and fiancé have a child
3. She is pregnant with their second child.

He has made continuous attempts to speak to me/meet up with me since (and before) proposing, her giving birth the first time and whilst she’s been pregnant for the second time. This has not just been attempts to meet up either, he wants to ‘do’ things of which I need not go into detail.

To me, is an absolute dog. Obviously, a very lucky escape for me at the time, as you can imagine.

Further crucial points:

In all the time that has passed since 2019, I have only responded to his messages twice. Once to tell him to leave me alone and once to concentrate on his family. I regret doing both, as it seems to have spurred him on more, despite not having spoken to him for well over a year now. (The second and last time)

Yes, he has been blocked. Several times on multiple different numbers.
No, I shouldn’t have to change my number - if this continues though I shall have to, I’m at the end of my tether.
...and no, this has not been encouraged in any way

Ultimately, nothing excuses the behaviour. It sickens me, and I would be devastated if I were in her shoes.

So on that note, Mumsnetters...do I tell her what’s going on? I have let everything he has said go over my head, ignored it in the hopes he would go away.

He has persisted but I am a good person, and I do not want to break up a family. My heart tells me to leave it be, to let her find out for herself...

but...Mumsnetters, what would you do? Please advise, I’m here to listen to all of your (what I would imagine to be) very variable yet fair advice.

No unkindness or unpleasantries aimed this way please, I want only to do the right thing.

Thanking you all in advance x

Sorry, no useful advice. I was expecting a ghost story. You don’t often get a thread in ‘The unexplained’ showing in active convos!

Hopefully this will give it a bump and you’ll get some helpful comments.

You could unblock him and tell him that if he persists you will tell his fiance ?

He is harassing you, receiving texts from a person’s number you have previously blocked, repeated texts of a sexual nature, and repeated unwanted texts.

Have you told him this, and that if he doesn’t stop you will be reporting him to the police?

I can’t tell you what to do regarding telling his partner. But if this were a friend telling you about him, what would you tell her to do?

Do you really want to tell her when she's pregnant though?

Tell her. She deserves the truth.

That’s the problem, I would categorically hate to do that to someone😥

This is a good point - on all counts.

I’ve resisted the police as she would definitely come to realise what her husband-to-be is truly like then.

If it were a friend, I can honestly say I wouldn’t know what to tell her/him. It’s a horrible situation for anyone to be in :(

Tell him you’ll contact the police, I imagine that will be the end of it. But you must be prepared to follow through if it doesn’t work…

Report to the police and continue to block him and repeat

I'm usually firmly in the 'tell the partner' camp because I think anyone deserves to know if they are being deceived, but on this occasion I don't think you should OP. This man is stalking/harassing you and I think you should speak to the police, telling his partner could put you at risk as he may escalate. Speak to Paladin and The Suzy Lamplugh Trust too, they both support victims of stalking

Thank you for this support - so much appreciated 💕

Ah ,
I was expecting a spooky story

This thread is in the wrong place!

Sorry - I had a look through but I wasn’t sure what to post on!

Hi OP

We'll move it over to relationships for you now.