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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice please DH quitting smoking

10 replies

Mummy3877 · 04/05/2022 19:02

Hi so my DH of 14 years has decided to quit smoking which I’m so pleased about we have 2 small children and he says he’s doing it for them.
how can I support him?
we had an argument on Sunday because the atmosphere was awful I just said ‘what’s wrong’?
he’d been drinking also and didn’t like what we were having for dinner he called me a fing vile selfish person and I do nothing to support him or help. as well as a Fing asshole
I don’t know what I did wrong. He really upset me he shouted so loudly and was banging everything around I actually felt quite scared, is this normal withdrawal symptoms?
he also tonight got right in my face shouting at me because Iv been ignoring him as he’s not even apologised for his behaviour I told him I don’t like him shouting in front of the children. Especially using swear words, he doesn’t seem to care, I don’t know what to do or am I just being selfish and it’s all my fault like he says
sorry if any of this doesn’t make sense

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 04/05/2022 19:08

No, it’s not normal. He’s a dickhead and blaming it on withdrawal.

He’s giving up for the children but he’s happy to be an abusive arsehole to their mother in front of them.

worraliberty · 04/05/2022 19:10

Oh come on, you know the answer to this OP.

Original poster
Mummy3877 · 04/05/2022 19:14

When he keeps saying it’s my fault I’m questioning myself and what I do wrong,

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/05/2022 19:18

I'd leave a man who spoke to me like this. The only ashore is him. He is an adult and what support are you supposed to give him. Nobody gave me a round of applause for giving up smoking.

TabithaTittlemouse · 04/05/2022 19:18

None of it is your fault. I’ve given up (a couple of times), I might have felt really awful but I never once took it out on my loved ones.

IlkaDoxie · 05/05/2022 05:44

Is he going cold turkey or is he taking something like Champix? My DH took them, they really worked but also gave him red mist that was entirely out of character.

Either way it’s not an excuse, he needs to apologise profusely and sort himself out. 💐

Overthewine · 06/05/2022 12:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Watchkeys · 06/05/2022 12:24

Mummy3877 · 04/05/2022 19:14

When he keeps saying it’s my fault I’m questioning myself and what I do wrong,

So, do you think that if you have done something wrong, he's right to treat you the way he does?

5128gap · 06/05/2022 15:39

All he's 'going through' is feeling uptight, irritable, maybe a bit down, fidgety, restless. Quitting smoking has not caused this behaviour, its just given him the excuse to indulge in it. Alternatively, he's paving the way for you to 'persuade' him to start again. It'll be 'Well I tried, but it wasn't fair on you... '

nearlyspringyay · 06/05/2022 15:44

He's a prick, giving up smoking or not.

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