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Original poster

'Friend' sending a text asking for a threesome

21 replies

recoveringa · 04/05/2022 14:16

I've been friends with a guy for the last 2 years. We're both in our mid thirties. Generally we meet up and grab food/chat - but more often than not end up having sex. He knows I want more, but 'isn't in a place' to give it to me (I know, I know)

We have a mutual friend, who is significantly younger - who he says he's never been with. I've never quite believed him when he said this & I've had my suspicions (we're not together - so none of my business) but the other night I got a text from her phone asking if I'd have a threesome with the two of them - and some fairly graphic descriptions of what she'd like to do to me.

Thing is, I know he sent it from the way the text was worded and punctuated. However he's adamant that he wasn't with her and he's completely denying sending the message. She's not talking to me at all.

I'm not sure if I'm more hurt that this more or less confirms that he's been sleeping with her all along, or that he's so clearly lying about sending the message.

In any case, I guess I was an idiot to think that I could trust him, and I know I need to cut him out of my life - I just feel so utterly and completely stupid as well as hurt and could do with some people telling me to cop myself on!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/05/2022 14:41

You don't need to judge yourself. Just stay away from both of them so that you don't invite any more of this silly drama into your life.

Chinuplippyon · 04/05/2022 14:44

Don't feel stupid. What he's done is really cruel, knowing you liked him more. The lengths some people will go to for an ego trip. If she's not speaking to you then possibly she's in a similar position to you and he is weirdly playing you both off. I would block him, he's a creep and a perv.

thisplaceisweird · 04/05/2022 14:47

First of all, you can't be upset and hurt about someone sleeping with someone else if you weren't committing in the first place. He made it clear he didn't want any serious, if you pursued after that, you were really leaving yourself open to exactly this kind of heartbreak.

Secondly, no harm in asking - but you can just say no I don't want to, block and move on.

Tabitha005 · 04/05/2022 15:08

Get rid and move on with you life. Men like this are only in it for their own little pervy thrill and, unless you similarly fancy a quick, pervy thrill for the fun of it (which it doesn't sound like you do), you're only going to get hurt by this twit.

DinoRock · 04/05/2022 15:12

Too much drama I'd stay well away from him

IncompleteSenten · 04/05/2022 15:15

I'd text her back saying don't hand your phone to X again. What he texted me was disgusting.

Eelicks · 04/05/2022 15:35

This guys is not your friend.

Franklyfrost · 04/05/2022 16:04

Chances are that you’re right and they have a sexual relationship and he wrote the message. Say no thanks to the threesome and get rid of him as you don’t trust him.

Moser85 · 04/05/2022 16:08

thisplaceisweird · 04/05/2022 14:47

First of all, you can't be upset and hurt about someone sleeping with someone else if you weren't committing in the first place. He made it clear he didn't want any serious, if you pursued after that, you were really leaving yourself open to exactly this kind of heartbreak.

Secondly, no harm in asking - but you can just say no I don't want to, block and move on.

Of course she can be upset. She IS upset. She will hopefully learn from it and not end up in a situation like that in future of course, but she can be upset.

And yes there is harm in asking, morally, he knew she wanted more, knew this could have been hurtful, upsetting and disrespectful, that's harm.

Cut him off OP. He sounds like an idiot!

Chinuplippyon · 04/05/2022 16:11

Moser85 · 04/05/2022 16:08

Of course she can be upset. She IS upset. She will hopefully learn from it and not end up in a situation like that in future of course, but she can be upset.

And yes there is harm in asking, morally, he knew she wanted more, knew this could have been hurtful, upsetting and disrespectful, that's harm.

Cut him off OP. He sounds like an idiot!

Show quote history

Yes it wasn't a request made in good faith, he has done it in a really unpleasant way, pretending to be someone he was claiming not to be sleeping with, sexually explicit, basically to upset or make a fool of the OP so he feels he has control over her emotions.

Dillydollydingdong · 04/05/2022 16:16

You've been dipping your toe in murky waters, having sex with someone who doesn't actually want a relationship with you. He thinks you're easy, and up for even more pervy experiments. Yuck!

Norush4 · 04/05/2022 16:20

Watchkeys · 04/05/2022 14:41

You don't need to judge yourself. Just stay away from both of them so that you don't invite any more of this silly drama into your life.

This. Cut him write off OP.

astoundedgoat · 04/05/2022 16:21

He's been really cruel and inappropriate to both you and the other woman. What a nasty piece of work. She must feel utterly humiliated too.

So it looks like he lost not one, but two FWB's in one fell swoop! He must not like no-strings sex very much if he is so nonchalant about offending everybody so efficiently.

Block him and never communicate with him again. He's horrible.

WomanHere · 04/05/2022 16:23

How disrespectful! Please ditch these two ‘friends’, there are 100s of men out there for no strings sex.

Newestname002 · 04/05/2022 16:35

Chinuplippyon · 04/05/2022 14:44

Don't feel stupid. What he's done is really cruel, knowing you liked him more. The lengths some people will go to for an ego trip. If she's not speaking to you then possibly she's in a similar position to you and he is weirdly playing you both off. I would block him, he's a creep and a perv.

Yes to this. Also I hope the other woman sees sense, blocks and deletes him also. You both deserve better than this chancer. 🌹

Zilla1 · 04/05/2022 17:05

If you want to kick his attempt at control out of kilter, reply to 'her' to say "you have a couple of hunks with whom you now have more than satisfactory threesomes. You'll be happy to pass her details on to them if she is finding his efforts as lacklustre as you found them. They're bi so might be of interest to [your ex's name] about whom you always had suspicions he was more interested in men than women".

StaunchMomma · 04/05/2022 17:22

I'd let them both go. He's clearly lying and game playing and she's allowed his game to occur by not being transparent.

This is not how friends treat each other, OP.

Original poster
recoveringa · 04/05/2022 19:17

Thank you for all your responses - I genuinely appreciate them, and given I got myself into this situation and should have known better, I appreciate you not being too hard on me.

I imagine he hasn't told her he's been sleeping with me either - so the poster(s) who said she must be feeling humiliated/playing us off against each other are probably right. Whatever about me feeling like crap, she's only 24 so I can't imagine what sort of damage he's doing to her either.

I haven't replied to the message to her, I've just had messages from him, saying that it wasn't her (I'm too old for this sh1t) but maybe I should reach out to her and say that there are no awkward feelings on my end - and I wish her the best?

He is a creep, and I've known that and fell for him anyway. I'm not usually a 'no-strings' person - I've only been with 5 people, so I definitely won't be getting myself into this situation again!!

Again, thank you all <3

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/05/2022 19:26

He sound like a cruel, manipulative arse. I would certainly be blocking him. Even though he sent the text, she gave him access to her phone which is odd. If you do reach out to her do so with caution and don't get dragged into their wierd, dysfunctional drama.

Original poster
recoveringa · 04/05/2022 19:32

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/05/2022 19:26

He sound like a cruel, manipulative arse. I would certainly be blocking him. Even though he sent the text, she gave him access to her phone which is odd. If you do reach out to her do so with caution and don't get dragged into their wierd, dysfunctional drama.

Yeah, you're probably right. I think I'm better off out of it altogether!

OP posts:
Baibee · 04/05/2022 19:35

This is why I avoid male "friends" these days. I know exactly how you feel... at least you had the self awareness to kind of know. Avoid friends who want sex and give false hope about relationships in the future, though.

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