divorce settlement and new relationship

[angelsleeve]

I got divorced some time ago and met a new person. I am now ready to invest my money in my own property or pension but DP wants me to invest in a property with him. He has his property already. I wanted to have mine so each of us has a sense of security.
He wants to get married I don't feel it is necessary plus I am not ready (not ready ever will be). We do not have children together. He has adult dcs and little gcs. He became very brisk and giving me a silent treatment since I made up my mind about my investments. It feels like he makes me feel guilty for how I want to manage my finances. He also makes really mean comments about me being debt free. It really upsets him I have this money. Surely this shouldn't be like that.

Where did you meet him? I only ask because there are a lot of men on dating websites who target women specifically for financial reasons.

Also, if he already has a property, what type of property does he want you to invest in?

Red flag central. Be very very careful, OP, do not invest with him and don't tell him any more of your financial business. Do not doubt yourself. Listen to your instincts.

Anyone who gives you the silent treatment because you are trying to protect yourself financially is not a nice person, he's trying to bully you into doing something he wants. The silent treatment is a form of abuse.

If he genuinely had your best interests at heart he'd be actively supporting you to protect yourself financially

This man does not have your best interests at heart

You must have seen it a hundred times on here. People screwed over left to start from scratch in their 50s when they should be easing off at that time.

Protect yourself financially. You put down building blocks that are just yours. He has a house if he wants another one he knows where the bank is.

Let him sulk. If he decides to pull himself together and you still feel inclined to continue this relationship in any way lay it out clear that any future sulking, mean comments, interference in any way with you personal finances and you are gone.

But seriously a partner who is so jealous about money they give you the silent treatment is boring and it's totally unnecessary. So think, really think, can you be bothered with all this going forward?

Enjoy the house hunting.

How long have you been seeing him? Not that it matters but with you saying a new relationship, it sounds very red flaggy to me

No brained surely? He can bog off. Nobody needs a man this much surely?

Is this the dude who has promised to have a vasectomy reversal but has done bugger all about it?

Don’t move in with him or invest in a house with him. He sounds awful, and very jealous.

I wouldn't tolerate the silent treatment from anyone. I'd tell him to knob off

You forgot to mention that he wants to move to a big house in the country & retire & doesn't want children with you
Simply tell him you are investing it, or have paid into your pension, Money no longer available,
Simply tell him you are not buying him a luxury house you don't want
Simply tell him if he sulks one minute longer that your relationship is definitively over
Simply tell him you are debt free because you have managed your income well, & now he wants a part of it.
Read your other 2 threads.
Why do you think you will get any other input than the Common Sense you have already received ?

@angelsleeve

He became very brisk and giving me a silent treatment since I made up my mind about my investments. It feels like he makes me feel guilty for how I want to manage my finances. He also makes really mean comments about me being debt free. It really upsets him I have this money. Surely this shouldn't be like that.

No it shouldn't be like this. Any person who "became very brisk and giving me a silent treatment" would soon find himself out a relationship with me because I would feel they were being coercive.

Being sulky and sniping about your very sensible plans for YOUR money (especially having come out of an unsuccessful relationship already) just shows this true, red flag colours. Protect yourself dear OP. 🌹

How long have you been together?

Your spidie senses are working: this guy is not good. He's giving you the silent treatment because he doesn't agree about what YOU want to do with YOUR money?! It's none of his business.

You keep your money and buy a place just for you.

What other threads, @getsomehelp?

I'd say to LTB based on the fact he's giving you the silent treatment alone. He has no input over what you spend your money on, you are right to buy something on your own, don't even consider buying something with him

Well his reaction says it all doesn’t it?

is his reaction about you not wanting to invest with him or is it about you not wanting to get married? (At this stage in your life, I wouldnt btw)

He is angry that you are debt free? 🤔

Yikes ... I'd be calling time in this.
He sounds very keen to 'share' your money but his annoyance if you being debt free sounds like he has debts & therefore very keen to share those with you by getting you to indirectly pay them off through investing your money
He sounds like my disgusting ExH .. I'd cut & run