Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

New boyfriend always late

46 replies

Fuzzyhippo · 03/05/2022 19:52

So I've been seeing someone for about a month, quite soon after my ex of 6 years ghosted me so I ended it.

I've never actually seen him during the day, only ever past 7:30 because he works although never actually told me what he does. Only problem is his excuses are pretty pathetic as he's late mostly every single time. Tonight we were meant to be going to the pictures at 8, and he said he'd be here before 7:30. I've just recieved a message saying sorry he fell asleep when he spoke to me about 20 minutes before saying he'll leave soon just making dinner.

I don't want to think too much into it but I don't feel very confident that it'll go very far. Been told he's been seen driving another woman around and he claims it was his 9 year old sister, but surely you can tell apart a 9 year old from a grown woman.. Another problem is for the first 2 weeks he was saying he didn't want a relationship as he wasn't ready, but then a few days later claimed he loved me so I really don't know what to feel. He's a few years younger than I am, only ever dated older so could just be down to immaturity.

Am I being reasonable to feel something isn't quite right here?

OP posts:

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/05/2022 06:30

Another problem is for the first 2 weeks he was saying he didn't want a relationship as he wasn't ready, but then a few days later claimed he loved me

in 4 weeks? 4 weeks???

how are you not running for the hills???

Kanaloa · 04/05/2022 06:30

Even outside of all his other flaws I wouldn’t continue to meet up with someone who is consistently late. I don’t want to waste my time waiting around for others. I know there will be a barrage of people who can’t possibly arrive anywhere on time through no fault of their own but it doesn’t mean others need to tolerate it - regularly late people shouldn’t arrange time sensitive meetings and expect others just to wait around.

spotcheck · 04/05/2022 06:37

When someone is persistently late what they are telling you is "my time is more important than yours

Rubbish. I wish people would stop rolling utter shit like this out. As a previous poster said, it can be part of neurodiverse symptoms.

However, I don't think that is what is happening in the OP's case. This guy doesn't sound right.

KatherineJaneway · 04/05/2022 06:39

Screams married or in a relationship to me. Red flags ahoy. Won't tell you where he works or what he does, lame excuses for being late, seen with another woman but no plausible explanation for that, suddenly tells you he loves you when he doesn't even know you.

I'd end it now.

00100001 · 04/05/2022 06:46

God, it's been a month and it's already hard work??

Ditch him.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 04/05/2022 06:56

@spotcheck

When someone is persistently late what they are telling you is "my time is more important than yours

Rubbish. I wish people would stop rolling utter shit like this out. As a previous poster said, it can be part of neurodiverse symptoms.

And I wish people would stop rolling out utter shit that blames every kind of bad behaviour under the sun on 'neurodiversity'. It's a convenient cop-out for not taking responsibility and being entitled.

If someone has problems with time-keeping they should own it. We had an employee at work who did that and she was put on flexi-time in a role that didn't have any time constraints.

JangolinaPitt · 04/05/2022 07:04

He is a walking talking. living neon red flag with whistles, bells and sparkles on.

wonderfully put!!!!!!!!

Bathroom2022 · 04/05/2022 07:09

Op, you're not safe to be dating if you are seeing a man like this. Your bar is very low and screams that you are not ready and can't see the wood for the trees. He sounds absolutely vile, and also married. Dump.

citychick · 04/05/2022 07:12

If he truly wanted to spend time with you, he'd move heaven and earth to do so. But he's not, is he? Sorry, but I think you should take a dignified walk away with the opposite direction. He's not worth your time. Move on.
Good luck. x

2pinkginsplease · 04/05/2022 07:13

You need to ditch him, by being late constantly he is telling you that his time is more important than yours, you don’t know where he works and have never seen him during the day and he has been seen in the car with another woman!

huge red flags.

raise the bar and find someone you deserve rather than him!

Lovemusic33 · 04/05/2022 07:17

Ditch him, things should be fun at the beginning, he should be putting the effort in. Sounds like he’s possibly married or still with an ex? Not worth the hassle, plenty more men out there that will treat you right.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 04/05/2022 08:06

OP I am a late person (although better these days), I can't really tell how long things are going to take, I really can't. However, the boyfriends I have had who are ALWAYS late have turned out to be abusive cocks, they value their time more than yours and it seems to be a power trip.

coodawoodashooda · 04/05/2022 08:10

Yeah op. Get rid of him.

HMG107 · 04/05/2022 08:15

I’m neurodiverse but my time keeping is excellent and this is something I need in other people, so I’d have to ditch him. I also think it’s incredibly rude that when he had plans he thought nothing of changing them last minute to suit his needs - if he was keen to see you and needed a nap he could have set an alarm and then grabbed something to eat in the cinema

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/05/2022 08:16

Not a chance I'd put up with constant lateness.
My dp doesn't have a car and we lived an hour's drive or two trains away from each other when we met, yet he was never late when we met for dates.

He just doesn't sound like his actions match his words and that's what's important.

FWIW, my dp told me he loved me after about a month too and we are still going strong almost 3 years later. The difference is, I feel loved with him.

PlntLady · 04/05/2022 08:16

If he's this bad a month in imagine how he will be 3 years in! At this stage he should still be trying to impress you but the persistent lateness is essentially him saying you are not a priority.
As a side point, I once dated a guy for a couple of months who never txt me durig the day and I could only see from late evening, regardless of the day/ if he'd worked that day or not. Turns out he was in a long term relationship and couldn't see me then because he was with his gf. Your guys situation sounds quite similar tbh.

Opaljewel · 04/05/2022 10:52

A month in shouldn't be so hard.

Original poster

Fuzzyhippo · 04/05/2022 15:02

Thank you for the replies, I messaged him last night saying it wasn't working and I didn't want to see him again. His reply was "if that's what you want" and that's the last I've heard from him. Not too bothered as didn't intend on getting into a relationship with him, the age gap is a bit of a problem as he's just turned 20 and I'm 25 so obviously at different stages in life. Oh well, nothing lost or ventured!

OP posts:

KettrickenSmiled · 04/05/2022 15:18

Well done Hippo. I hope you are feeling relieved & vindicated. Onward!

teacherorpreacher · 04/05/2022 15:38

Yes there could be a very reasonable account of why he had a woman in the car, sister friend cousin work colleague etc but to say it was a 9 year old is a red flag. Will not tell you where he works red flag always late ie cannot be bothered to make the effort red flag. Bin him you deserve so much better

spotcheck · 04/05/2022 23:29

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 04/05/2022 06:56

@spotcheck

When someone is persistently late what they are telling you is "my time is more important than yours

Rubbish. I wish people would stop rolling utter shit like this out. As a previous poster said, it can be part of neurodiverse symptoms.

If someone has problems with time-keeping they should own it. We had an employee at work who did that and she was put on flexi-time in a role that didn't have any time constraints.

This isn't 'all the bad behaviour under the sun' it is quite well documented, not just an opinion

Flip

1 2