I've been reading and sometimes add to posts but have name changed for this thread. I really need some outside opinions as I'm a little confused about what's happened here..! Married 12 yrs not been a happy marriage since I found out about my H affair(s) and tried to get over it but recently decided I can't forget and never can forgive the hurt that's been caused by him. I've blocked it all out for too long with wine o'clock (stupidly) and the slow increase of wine lead me to having more than is wise so I went AF Jan/Feb/March. April i somehow hit the wine again, not as much but not great and I'm not proud and back on the AF juice. H seems to encourage it and thinks blurring the lines with alcohol makes everything ok (it absolutely doesn't change anything)!! We are no longer intimate, I refuse to be and I want to leave the marriage as soon as I'm able and have made that very clear. I tend to sleep in my DC bed but if unable as dc sleeps like a starfish I go into the main bedroom with H but wear PJs and keep my distance. Friday night I woke to him touching me, shrugged him off and I was sleeping. Next thing I know he's inside me and comes quickly my pj pants half way down my legs and in a sticky mess. I woke confused and have spent the weekend wondering what the heck has happened. He's pretending all is fine and even tried to grope me again Saturday night - I got out the bed and slept on the sofa. He keeps pretending it's all OK, it's not for me and this recent incident has made me feel very confused. I'd had quite a bit to drink but definitely did not initiate sex. He's made comments before when I've asked him not to touch me in bed - get out the bed then, I can't help it, I just want a cuddle, and so on.. I feel violated by his actions. He's been a very controlling man throughout our marriage but I'm pretty sure this latest twist is a step to far. Im too frightened to actually say it out loud to a friend in real life but how would you feel?