Advice needed 😔

[Abi164849489]

I'm 1 week away from giving birth and I've just found out my partner has been messaging someone else who has been sending him nudes. I'm in disbelief. I moved away from my family and friends and have little to no support here. I don't know what to do. Please any advice is helpful right now 😔

Can you move back to be closer to family and friends? I think you need to consider doing so asap.

Being a new mum is challenging enough without dealing with cr@p like this. You need to be able to focus on you and baby, not worry about him being a pig!

If he can do this now it's not going to get better! Have you spoken to him about it?

First thing's first, and that's to see if you can get some kind of support from services given that you're geographically isolated from loved ones and in a potentially breaking down relationship. Have you considered asking your midwife about the local children's centre and whether there are any support services? The one in my hometown has trained volunteers who will come over and keep an eye on new parents, do a bit of tidying up, and just sit with a cuppa when they need it. It's not available everywhere, but I think it's really important you're not left to deal with becoming a new parent with a cheating coparent alone. This is a lot to deal with.

What do you want? What's your gut telling you? It's your decision whether you wish to try and sweep this under the rug for the time being to get through the birth and early stages of having a newborn, or whether it's a hard 'no' for you. Personally I couldn't tolerate sharing a bed with someone who was acting like your partner has been, as that's cheating in my book. But sometimes people do choose to stay, out of fear, or love, or forgiveness. It's not for anyone else to tell you, which is why I'm asking what YOU want right now.

Please consider telling you friends or family if you're close with them, so you're not going through this alone. Maybe someone might be able to come and visit or stay for a while, or offer you a place to crash with the baby.

Thank you both. I just never saw this happening to me. I can't believe someone could be this selfish, he tells me it was just a mistake but I can't wrap my head around this. I have no where to stay back home but I have a friend about an hour away who I'm hoping I can stay with for a while. I have no idea what to do when the baby is here.

When the baby is here you focus on you and the baby. You need to look after your health, both physically and mentally and that may mean staying with a friend or family for a short while.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and sad that your partner behaved like an idiot. You do what is best for you and in the long run you may forgive but right now that has to be back benched

It's awful and truly shocking. A mistake is dropping the ketchup on the floor or accidentally putting a red t shirt in with your white washing. Sending and receiving nudes and talking sexually to another person outside of your monogamous relationship is not a mistake, it's a choice. He made the deliberate decision to seek that out or respond positively to overtures. Every time he got a message and sent one back he made that choice to prioritise getting his kicks over your feelings. The level of respect he has shown you is even worse considering you're carrying his child and he'll have known the emotional pain finding out would cause you. I'm really sorry. He doesn't love or give a crap about you.

What's your living situation? Are you a homeowner or renting? Who's name is on the rental agreement/mortgage? What's your finances like?

You can contact Gingerbread, the charity that supports single parents, to see if there is any support or help practically or emotionally available to you.

When the baby is here you will be so focused on them and taking care of them, even if you're still having to live with your partner/ex (?) make sure you have separate sleeping spaces to keep things boundaried and that he's doing his fair share of parenting.

I'm so sorry you are going through this especially so close to having a baby, which should be the happiest time of your life. I genuinely think you need to ditch him but in terms of your own living situation, do what is best for you and the baby right now. if that means staying with him (for now) so he can help with the baby until you can sort out something more permanent, then do that. Having a brand new baby is emotional enough without having to find somewhere else to live at the same time. Assuming he;s not abusive to you, stay if you need to and make some concrete plans to get out when you can.

It wasn’t a mistake. He’s enjoying another woman’s attention and you don’t know he hasn’t had sex with her. I wouldn’t send nudes to someone who hasn’t seen it all anyway.

Be relieved you found out now and not when your three kids in with roses around the door.

For now what you probably need most is space from him so you can think clearly about what your next step should be. You've had a nasty shock and you need time to get your head around what's happened without him in your ear trying to put his side.

Everything changes the second you find out they're cheating so you just have to take it one step at a time and not think too much about the big picture or it feels completely overwhelming, especially when you're pregnant.

Go to your friend's, tell him not to call or message and block him/give friend your phone if he won't respect that, talk things over with her and process what's happened and then think about what's next. I'm so sorry he's done this, you and your baby deserve so much better