Should I Get Involved?

[Nouveaunew]

There’s a man in my life who seems to have feelings for me. I’ve only known him a few months but we’ve been working very closely. We’ll continue to work closely so being with him would be a huge risk. I’m not at all physically attracted to him but I do fancy him (if that makes sense). Should I give it a whirl?

No.

Also, no.

Absolutely not

Nope

Regardless of working together, not if you're not physically attracted. How would that play out in a relationship?

No.

No

Work and emotions are not a good mix. I'd not touch this until and unless I was no longer working closely with him.

Thanks. Maybe I just needed a wake up call as I’m quite tempted.

I haven’t been with anyone in three years (separation) and he’s being extraordinarily nice to me and making his feelings very clear. I don’t find him attractive but I feel affection etc in that I actually could imagine getting physical … but then I also had a sexy dream about a different male co-worker recently and another one about a male celeb so maybe I’m just deprived and it’s colouring my perception.

You do not find him attractive? Why waste his or your time then. Someone else will come along, sooner or later.

Thanks @emuloc I hope so! I’m ready!

You're just horny! 😉

This is not the man you are looking for... ✋🏻 (< Jedi mind trick)

How can you fancy someone but not find them physically attractive. Genuine question

@teaandtoastwithmarmite
Well the way that someone isn’t attractive ‘on paper’ but I could imagine getting busy with them and not be repulsed … having said that, I think that @GreyCarpet has hit the nail on the head, so to speak … I need some action elsewhere and I need it fast especially while this guy continues to come on to me.

Excellent advice. Also, good channeling of Obi Wan.

Wise words for a horny lady who would otherwise be starting another thread in a few weeks saying ‘Should I quit my job after sleeping with my coworker?’

All the above is a bit cynical in my view - it depends on what you feel for him. I fell in love with my colleague. Started off as colleagues, then over time became very good friends including outside of work, then long term partners with deep emotional connection. He’s not my usual “type” so there was no instant physical attraction for me at the beginning but that didn’t matter when we’d fallen in love, I now think he’s the most beautiful man. Colleagues can become something meaningful if it’s special, but tread carefully and don’t act like you are in a romcom messing around “by the photocopier”. We completely set boundaries at work while we still worked together and were just colleagues in the workplace. We also informed everyone about it once we knew it was serious and prevented gossip (I left the job about ten months into the relationship - not because of that, for a new opportunity).

i wouldn’t bother if just a fling though - you can get that somewhere else and avoid all the work gossip that would come with it. Also avoid hurting him if he is “into” you and you just want a fling - that would be very painful for him.

@Nouveaunew ah yea thanks for explaining. That makes sense and yes I think you deserve better

Yeah I think a lot of it is that I’m enjoying the attention and he’s funny and intelligent. There is some kind of spark but I won’t be taking it further.

He’s also argumentative and picks me up wrong and seems to explicitly say every single nice thing he does (how unbelievably annoying is that?).

You mean he's always on about 'I took my mum for lunch, spoil her rotten, I do' and casually tells you about every small favour he does someone? So offputting that kind of keeping score! I met a bloke recently OLD who I know would have been a lot nicer to me than the clown i have just broken up with. I couldn't bear this though!!

Thank you. I have my moments... 😉

Honestly, OP. When I first split up with my husband 10 years ago (and realised I wasn't actually dead from the neck down - who knew!! 🤣) I had these weird 'fancy but not attracted to' experiences with loads of men.

The best one was a very sweaty man who wore red corduroy trousers that were too short for him and turned out to have an enormous cock he used well ...

Some of them I indulged... 😉 but never with someone I worked with. Just a recipe for disaster.

@Chinuplippyon
Yeah he tells me every good deed he does for everyone 🙄He also makes a massive song and dance when he makes a cup of tea for me (we all make tea for each other) or does anything. It’s infuriatingly annoying !! 🤔😅

@GreyCarpet
😂😂😂
Thanks for that post. It gave me a much-needed laugh! It’s just so hard to meet men … I’m on OLD but the men seem to want to go straight to dick pics. I’d like to have done banter , meet for coffee/dinner, chat etc dnd then have done physical fun. The men I’m ‘meeting’ online either have no interest in me or they only have interest in me as a way to cure their sexual frustration! One guy even wrote ‘I’m too sexually frustrates for texting’ and sent me a photograph of his bits!

I'd think if you are trying to date anyway, and you like this guy and quite fancy him, and he really fancies you - then what's the harm?

I'd just enjoy the chat and flirting, and if he goes ahead and asks you out - then see how you feel then, but it doesn't sound like you've much to lose?

Sorry for all the typos above.

@summercompanion
i think he’s looking for marriage, children and the whole lot whereas I think I’m just finally recovering from my separation and enjoying how well we get on. I don’t see a future with him. I think ultimately he’d annoy me too much as a partner and a PP was right that I’m just horny.

I’m horny but it doesn’t mean I’m willing to put up with men making no effort whatsoever! The level of entitlement would make a grown woman weep!