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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

10th anniversary of everything this year. Unexpected response.

4 replies

CandleLantern · 03/05/2022 02:04

It's 10 years since everything this year.

10 years since we went went NC with our mother; 10 years since our dad died and 10 years since my marriage broke down. It all happened within 4 months.

I'm plagued with nightmares, being unable to sleep and having intrusive thoughts that I haven't had since 2012.

I've just woken up from a nightmare in which my dad was angry and agressive, made little sense and was lurching around trying to grab me in anger. I was scared. Then his face bloated and he fell to the ground looked old and near death.

I woke up with a really strong urge to call him but then I couldn't remember if he was actually alive or not. I was wracking my brains to remember. Fully awake I was trying to work out when we last spoke and was wondering why it felt like it was a long time ago I was saying to myself, "Of course he's alive. You'd remember if he was dead," only then I remembered that he is dead.

I wasn't close to my dad. I saw him every week but I didn't cry when he died, at the funeral nor since. I don't miss him. I feel sad about that but that's the way it was. He just wasn't there anymore.

I had a nightmare a few weeks ago but that time the focus was my mother I awoke from that screaming for "my mummy". It woke my daughter 😕 I had a panic attack that lasted nearly an hour. I couldn't breathe and was in great pain. I wasn't scared because I knew what it was but at the same time it was terrifying.

I don't have any emotions associated with these incidents really. 2012 was a traumatic year but I dealt with it well and moved on.

The last 10 years have been hard. Easier than it was with those three people in my life but still hard and the 10 year anniversary of it is playing havoc with me.

I don't know what I'm asking for. Probably nothing. Just a bit shaken up.

OP posts:
hidethetoaster · 03/05/2022 03:13

I'm sorry for all your loss and pain OP.

I don't have any emotions associated with these incidents really. 2012 was a traumatic year but I dealt with it well and moved on.

It sounds like you actually have a lot of emotions about them but you struggle to access them. The anniversary has been triggering and it's coming out in these uncontrolled and distressing ways.

Are there other areas of life where unexpected emotions bubble up, things where you cry or become anxious or angry when it's not really warranted?

Can you afford some therapy to reconcile yourself to this traumatic time and the lasting effects? Losing a parent you're not close to can be a huge source of pain as you grieve the person who died and also grieve the parent you wish they had been (and they can now never be because they are gone and with that goes the opportunity for them to ever change and become what you needed).

Wishing you love and healing OP Flowers

ouch321 · 03/05/2022 03:42

Turn light on, go and make a sweet cup of milky tea, mess about online for 15 mins then back to bed, you'll fall asleep again

HoppingPavlova · 03/05/2022 03:45

I’d go see a clinical psychologist

RogersOrganismicProcess · 03/05/2022 03:48

Sending you lots of lovely thoughts op💐soukd journaling help you to make sense of your thoughts?

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