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Original poster

Dumping someone you love

23 replies

Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 22:44

I think I’m having a grass is greener moment as my partner is so kind and caring and makes me incredibly happy. Just sometimes I wished he was more affectionate and romantic. Maybe I’m expecting to much but if asked he will say how nice I look and we often has conversations where he feels like I don’t think he loves me and it upsets him to think I don’t. I just think he could plan the odd date show me some more affection as I feel I always a initiate it or buy me flowers is that to much to ask or is that all men. I feel very lucky in other areas he picks me up from work looks after me when I’m I’ll etc.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 22:46

If you're not happy, you're not happy. Only you know what your needs are and if they're being met.

CorsicaDreaming · 02/05/2022 22:46

Have you ever just told him straight up you'd like him to do that?

Just tell him you'd love it if he occasionally planned and booked up a date night.

Men are bloody shit at mind reading 😉

Fireflygal · 02/05/2022 22:49

How long have you been together?

I don't think you're unreasonable to feel as you do, especially as you have asked him. Planning a date isn't that challenging to do once in a while.

Original poster
Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 22:51

Told him a few times he dosnt really like kisses and has low libido due to medication. he will then plan a date once mentioned but then never again. He claims he’s not a romantic person but I think this is normal relationships behaviour planning dates and affection.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 22:52

We’ve been together 2.5 years

OP posts:
Clymene · 02/05/2022 22:53

So he's not affectionate or romantic and the sex is shit.

I think you're right to dump. He's not making you happy.

Doyoumind · 02/05/2022 22:55

He's not going to change. You must accept that. No amount of reminding him will change the person he is. So either you live with it and accept it, or he's not the man for you. Don't pretend it's OK because it won't go away and will likely become even more of an issue for you.

Crazykefir · 02/05/2022 22:56

Do you have kids together?

HeddaGarbled · 02/05/2022 22:57

Flowers aren’t important. Kissing and sex are. Odd that you mention the flowers before the other two.

Fireflygal · 02/05/2022 22:58

2 years is when you start to see the longterm future as the shine of the relationship has gone. If it's like this now then it will not get better and you will be settling.

Do you think you have to settle?

woodenwindchimes · 02/05/2022 23:04

What do you want from life and does he want the same? This is what's most important. If you are on the same page with the same goals then your life together will be so enjoyable. I would consider this above being "more" romantic.

Original poster
Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 23:07

Yes we want the same in life are goals and time frame completely match we want the same things

OP posts:
Original poster
Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 23:08

He makes me so incredibly happy and laugh it’s just these small things I think about

OP posts:
weightedblanketofshame · 02/05/2022 23:08

I have just left someone for the same reasons. We had been together for a much shorter period of time and I knew he loved me (in his own way) but it just wasn't the kind of affection that I know I need from someone. The one thing you can't do is change someone - you can communicate how you feel until you're blue in the face but realistically no amount of love will change the fact that he isn't a very physically affectionate person.

Moser85 · 02/05/2022 23:19

Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 23:08

He makes me so incredibly happy and laugh it’s just these small things I think about

Lack of affection, sex and dates are not small things. Your relationship is only 2.5 years old. How do you think you will feel after another 5 years with little affection? or another 10 years?

Overthewine · 03/05/2022 00:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Sunnytwobridges · 03/05/2022 00:47

Doyoumind · 02/05/2022 22:55

He's not going to change. You must accept that. No amount of reminding him will change the person he is. So either you live with it and accept it, or he's not the man for you. Don't pretend it's OK because it won't go away and will likely become even more of an issue for you.

This.

My ex was like this. Not affectionate (unless it was for sex) or romantic at all. Even after telling him how I felt he didn't change. He was a very practical person, which is fine but I just felt unloved most of the time and I began to get resentful. I didn't care that he would fix my car or my microwave. I wanted someone a little more passionate but it just wasn't in him. Then I realized either I had to accept him as he was or leave. I can't live without at least a little bit of affection and romantic gestures so I ended it. You can't change anyone, as the saying goes "when someone shows you who they are believe them"

madasawethen · 03/05/2022 02:53

I'm not seeing how he makes you incredibly happy?

TheLadyofShalott1 · 03/05/2022 03:01

HeddaGarbled · 02/05/2022 22:57

Flowers aren’t important. Kissing and sex are. Odd that you mention the flowers before the other two.

Sadly, I think that she has probably given up any expectation of the other two things.

Nat6999 · 03/05/2022 04:56

I loved my late dp to the end of the earth even though he was an alcoholic & I know he loved me. It broke my heart when I ended it but I ended it because I knew I couldn't change him & I hoped that his family would be able to convince him to accept treatment so he could live. Sadly it was too late & he passed away. We had our wedding booked for 4 months later & I couldn't cancel it, our last conversation before he went in to hospital I begged him to get the treatment & reminded him we were due to get married. I told him I would wait for him to get better so we could get married married & that I loved him, a week later he was dead. Sometimes you have to follow your head not your heart.

Clymene · 03/05/2022 07:40

Humpydumpy12 · 02/05/2022 23:08

He makes me so incredibly happy and laugh it’s just these small things I think about

How does he make you incredibly happy?

ClaryFairchild · 03/05/2022 09:38

Sounds like a lovely guy to be a friend with. What makes him special enough to be more than just a friend?

Watchkeys · 04/05/2022 15:09

My friends make me really happy and make me laugh so much.

What's the difference between my relationship with them and your relationship with him, OP? Sounds like he could be your brother and your relationship wouldn't even push any boundaries.

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