Is it ever better to stick it out?

[Samesame89]

H is an arsehole. He tries to pull his weight sometimes and he can be very funny but he's difficult, pretentious, lazy and talks a load of old nonsense a lot of the time. But I don't hate him. He's not abusive or anything.

I would like to be free of him. But I won't ever be. We have 2 DC under the age of 4. He will fight for 5050. He will despise me. He is petty. I own our house as bought it before I met him but he will get half. He's also reducing his hours to pretend to look after the kids (playing video games) while I'm working harder and harder to keep bills paid. Risk of him arguing he us SAHP.

Anyway. If I leave him there is possibility I have to give up my home, hand over my kids 50% of the time (older one hates change or sleeping away from me etc), and still ill have to put up with his shit. Still have to see him all the time. Arguing over money or pick ups etc. my kids will suffer and ill lose all I've worked for. And I'll have to do everything round the house rather than 90%

Is it ever better to stick it out? Even if you know he's an absolute idiot

How long have you been married for? I would not tolerate him stopping work to play video games under the pretense that he is looking after the children. No bloody way.

You've a limited time on this earth.
60 good years, 70 if you're lucky, then knees and backs and organs start to go.

Do you want what limited time you have left to be good and worthwhile, or do you want them to be what you have now?

There's no way this arsehole will have your kids 50% of the time. It's never going to happen. It would be so much better for your children if you leave him now. Don't wait.

Op how long have you been together? I think if it’s a short marriage he is less likely to get 50% of the house. I think you might be better off getting rid of him sooner - but I would ask a solicitor for advice.

In my experience, no. Your kids need a happy well-balanced mum, to model how life should be.

My ex tried all the 'I'll want 50:50', "I'll never pay a penny" etc but it all came to nothing. In the end he was too lazy to go to court.

He held out against paying half of childcare until I threatened to take him to cms which would have cost him a lot more, and then he gave in and paid.

Important to call their bluff. Any grown man who wants to spend days sitting on his bum playing video games is unlikely to summon up the energy to go to court.

You only get one life, don't waste it.

Married 4 years. I don't know what I was thinking
He did a very good job of appearing to be a great guy but he actually expects me to mother him, not question him, and pay for everything.

Sometimes when he's not working and I'm working from home and he's got the kids downstairs...I come downstairs to find the baby has a dirty nappy, the toddler on the phone, and him barely awake lying on the sofa. I can't hand them over to him for a whole weekend. And he will be even worse because he'll be all depressed. He does take them out now and he does give them affection but he can be so so lazy and just wait for me to sort stuff. But he thinks he's dad of the year. He will try and get custody. He's always joked that if I ever left he'd do everything to get the kids.

But he thinks he's dad of the year. He will try and get custody. He's always joked that if I ever left he'd do everything to get the kids.

Tell him that you'll let him. That it's a great idea, it'll give you tons of time to work, go on holiday..

find a new man...

Watch the cogs in his head turn slowly and realisation dawn...

Actually in the short to medium term reduce your hours, don't increase them. You need to get the divorce papers served too while your marriage is still considered a 'short marriage'. So your financial argument is: short marriage; female resident parent; female keeps her home to live in with children.

Not that he'll actually ever do 50:50 when the chips are down anyway.

Can you give him £10k towards somewhere else to live (deposits etc)?