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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I go back to the father of my children?

25 replies

HotHen · 02/05/2022 21:37

I’d like some advice if possible.

Throughout my second pregnancy I had hyperemesis and was really unwell and my partner was really distant and not caring at all really. I also had PND.
We split after she was born when he told me he couldn’t live with me anymore, I made him unhappy so me and kids left.
I’ve started to rebuild my life a bit although my name still on mortgage and a lot of my belongings still there.
I also found out while I was pregnant he was paying one of his family members to send him naked photos and explicit videos.
I’ve been seeing someone else who is lovely, he is kind and caring and has been a shoulder to cry on.
Ex now wants to give it another go. Part of me wants a family life back but.. I don’t know. Do I stay seeing new guy, or give my old life another go?
Any advice please..? ❤️

OP posts:

Addicted2LuvIsland · 02/05/2022 21:39

He was paying a family member to send naked photos - can you pls clarify this?

Aside from that he was quite uncaring when you were together. I'd stick with the new guy.

Original poster

HotHen · 02/05/2022 21:41

I recently found out he had been messaging his cousin after she asked to borrow some money - he agreed - in exchange for naked photos! It happened about 2 or 3 times.

OP posts:

Raindrops2015 · 02/05/2022 21:43

Omg. Avoid avoid avoid. Up your standards drastically.

motherofchihuahuas · 02/05/2022 21:54

Block.
Do not get back with him ffs.

This is a man who asked his cousin for naked pics.

Block

Block and block
Again.

colouringindoors · 02/05/2022 21:56

Naked photos from his cousin?!

Run away!!!

Mamette · 02/05/2022 21:56

No.

spotcheck · 02/05/2022 21:57

You seriously don't need us to tell you to swerve the guy who extorts naked photos from his cousin, right? I.mean.... Ew.
If you need to cry on someone's shoulder, you should consider time on your own to heal

Pashazade · 02/05/2022 21:58

Really, you think someone who has blackmailed their own cousin by demanding naked pictures for cash is a fit human to spend time with? You got out, so stay out, it would be a truly awful decision to go back.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 02/05/2022 21:58

Mamette · 02/05/2022 21:56

No.

This

DelphiniumBlue · 02/05/2022 21:59

He was distant and uncaring when you needed his support, and now you know he is a manipulative pervert too. What's the attraction? because he sounds disgusting to me.

WomanHere · 02/05/2022 21:59

That is quite disturbing behaviour. New boyfriend or not, you are better off without the ex.

LoveSpringDaffs · 02/05/2022 22:00

You'd be mad to get back with him.

I'd be reporting the creep for doing that to his cousin as well, especially if she's young/vulnerable.

Hiw coukd you even contemplate letting this creep back into your/your kids lives.

id be doing more to get non mol & supervised contact only with the kids. IF he really pushes for it, if he doesn't push for contact I certainly wouldn't be,

be careful with the new bloke. He might be 'better' than your Ex, but he might not be a good person either. It's incredibly common to pick the same type again.

Catlover1970 · 02/05/2022 22:22

This must be made up. 99.9% of women wouldn’t consider going back to a deviant

nc167826 · 02/05/2022 22:25

I can't believe I'm reading that you're considering going back to someone who asked
His cousin for naked pictures in exchange for money whilst you were together?!?
I'd be running a mile and thankful for such a lucky escape

Giveitall · 02/05/2022 22:30

Please don’t do it.
No good will come if it.
Don’t put your children through that batshit.
Stay strong.

tkwal · 02/05/2022 22:37

He should have been the one who left, as you're on the mortgage I would try to move back in but I really wouldn't advise resurrecting your relationship, he sounds selfish and abusive. . If he won't do the decent thing and leave you should look at pushing for a sale or for him to buy you out. Get an estate agent valuation for yourself. Don't let him fob you off with a guestimate

allboysherebutme · 02/05/2022 22:48

Ohh my God, you should not even have to ask, he asked his cousin for naked pictures and he only wants you back because you are happy with someone else. Stay away. X

Onthemaintrunkline · 03/05/2022 00:41

after all that’s been, after all he’s been (and done), you are actually thinking about going back….really🙄

GrazingSheep · 03/05/2022 00:51

I really hope you’re a troll

BadNomad · 03/05/2022 01:08

This sounds familiar. Wasn't it his cousin's daughter?

thenewduchessoflapland · 03/05/2022 01:14

The fact you have to ask on here probably tells you the answer is no.

You definitely deserve much better.

LetitiaLeghorn · 03/05/2022 02:21

He paid for naked photos from his cousin because she was hard up for cash? And you're thinking of going back to him? Is this for real?

StrangeCondition · 03/05/2022 03:16

BadNomad · 03/05/2022 01:08

This sounds familiar. Wasn't it his cousin's daughter?

Was just thinking this

StrangeCondition · 03/05/2022 03:17

That was to @BadNomad, stupid quote isn't working for me

ShandaLear · 03/05/2022 04:06

You’re considering going back to a man who has, in all likelihood, wanked over naked photos of his own cousin. Can I be the first to say ‘Eww’? Stay or don’t stay with the new man, but definitely do not go back to your pervert ex.

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