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Original poster

A lot of so-called friends didn’t acknowledge my big birthday

28 replies

BellaTelly · 02/05/2022 18:35

I’m just hurt I guess. It was a landmark birthday too

several lifelong “friends” I’ve know since school didn’t acknowledge it, as well as newer ones

When I say didn’t acknowledge I mean not even a text message

Not sure why I’m posting just feels a bit crap

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 02/05/2022 18:44

I'm sorry - Happy Belated Birthday! It's probably because they are rubbish at remembering.

Marlena1 · 02/05/2022 19:36

People tend to only remember if on Facebook I think! Sorry though, I know it's not nice. Happy birthday, I hope you arectreating yourself to something nice🍰(you share with my DD)

ParisNoir · 02/05/2022 19:40

I'm sorry- Happy Birthday!!

I know on mumsnet, its considered tacky or precious to want anyone to remember your birthday at all but I'm with you- I'm guessing you arent expecting a parade, just a small thoughtful text would be nice. I really hate how we are conditioned into "not making a fuss" about anything. Its not wrong for one day out of the entire bloody year to expect people to wish you a good day and to think of you. Its not asking a lot and I'm sure you do the same for your close friends.

Its a horrible shit feeling and I'm really sorry about your friends.

Mary46 · 02/05/2022 20:44

Lousy op. Happy Birthday. Yes not nice if this from friends

Original poster
BellaTelly · 02/05/2022 22:14

Thanks

one group I was only out with a week or so ago and we were chatting about the bank holiday weekend & I said it was my big birthday & we were joking about what DH would buy me.
I just feel like the fact none of them had remembered proves I’m not important to them at all .

maybe I’m odd but I note birthdays in my diary & acknowledge with a gift / card / text message according to how close I am to the person

OP posts:
Newgirls · 02/05/2022 22:16

I think you have to host a party else these things do get glossed over - as some might just assume you’re not that bothered by birthdays?

AzazaelsFury · 02/05/2022 22:18

Hardly anyone messages me on any of mine for year. I had everyone I considered a friend in my calendar and would always send a text. After many years of mine being ignored I've finally backed off. I only send to a couple of friends now that always acknowledge mine and one acquaintance from school who's birthday was the day after mine always sends me a message every year so I send one to her. But a large number of close and good friends never bother so I've relived myself if the chore too.
Its hurtful but not worth worrying about in the end.

Oblomov22 · 02/05/2022 22:25

Why would anyone comment or even know. Unless you are having a party, or announce it on FB?

Random789 · 02/05/2022 22:28

People are just very different from one another in respect of conventions around birthdays. Witihn each family the conventions are pretty well established and seem so 'normal' that we each make the mistake of believing that everyone has the same rules as we do. But they don't.

Your friends probably thought they'd given adequate acknowledgement when you joked together about the birthday -- not because they don't value you but because their practices around birthdays are different from yours.

Passthewinebottle · 02/05/2022 22:31

I'm really sorry OP, this would upset me too. I'd be doing a big thank you post on FB (assuming you're on it) to those who did take the time to wish you a happy birthday, hopefully they'll go 'oh shit!'. Flowers

drpet49 · 02/05/2022 22:47

Really shit of your lifelong friends. They just don’t care I am afraid.

Kite22 · 02/05/2022 22:52

What event did you invite them to ?
I mean, as it was a big event to you, I presume you invited them to share that with you ?

Or are they "not important to you" ?

Just pointing out, that is how it works with all my friends - if people want to make a 'thing' out of a birthday and get us together for something, then the etiquette is you get a card and present. If they choose not to make it into a 'thing' then you don't. Generally, I think most adults don't send cards to all their friends and acquaintances every birthday, so if you think one birthday is more special, you then arrange to make it into something, and then folk tend to respond by getting you something.

AprilMae · 02/05/2022 23:25

I also find it really hurtful when people don’t bother with your big birthdays, especially when you feel you make an effort for them.

My ‘oldest’ friend (went to school together and have remained friends since we were 13) didn’t send me a card for my 30th or come to the evening out I invited her to. Her birthday is a few days before mine and I gave her an expensive silver bangle with her date of birth engraved in Roman numerals….

Haven’t bothered with her since tbh. She obviously doesn’t value our friendship.

Possibly different in your case as you didn’t invite anyone out, and I know not everyone is big on birthday posts or messages? But your feelings are understandable.

Baggyeye · 02/05/2022 23:52

That's a shame but hopefully your close frinds / family did something to celebrate with you?

People get caught up in busy lives - was it a big '0' bday?

Feeellostindirection · 02/05/2022 23:54

2 supposedly good friends of mine have forgotten my birthday for the last 3 years and the first time it was a big one. I have made the effort and put together with the other one of the two, depending on who's birthday it is, to get card/present for each of them and sent texts to say happy bday etc. This year after the day had passed I mentioned it in the group watsapp and hardly even got a happy birthday and rubbish excuses why they forgot. No belated card/present either. I shall be sure to return the favour from here onwards. So I know where you're coming from op, it makes you feel like an idiot for ever bothering about their bdays.

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 00:05

My ‘oldest’ friend (went to school together and have remained friends since we were 13) didn’t send me a card for my 30th or come to the evening out I invited her to. Her birthday is a few days before mine and I gave her an expensive silver bangle with her date of birth engraved in Roman numerals….

Haven’t bothered with her since tbh. She obviously doesn’t value our friendship.

More likely doesn't 'measure' a friendship in gifts.

I have some very, very good friends, whose friendship I value immensely (and they mine), but we've never spent money or time on presents for birthdays.

BungleandGeorge · 03/05/2022 00:05

Some people just don’t ‘do’ adult birthdays

tuliplover · 03/05/2022 00:19

I don't remember any of my friends birthdays, the month of some of them maybe. I turned 60 recently and I arranged two dinners for my two sets of friends, but some others have also turned 60 and if they didn't organise something then we didn't celebrate- I don't know what actual day their birthdays are so didn't send a card either.

doggiescats · 03/05/2022 00:31

I genuinely think that unless you organise something people are just so wrapped up in their own lives they forget!! As an example I have been invited to a 60th birthday lunch on Saturday. I can honestly say that unless I was invited I would have been oblivious to that person’s birthday.

StinkyWizzleteets · 03/05/2022 01:06

I don’t remember friends birthdays and rarely know what the date is these days let alone remember to connect it with someone I knew at school. It’s not that I don’t care about them as friends but I just don’t care about their birthdays as adults. I find it a bit sad that adults get so worked up when people they know aren’t as enthusiastic about the day their mum evicted them from their body however many decades before. It’s a bit like woo look how special I am that everyone needs to celebrate that im alive. I appreciate I appear a bit Scrooge about it all but there’s so many other things going on in peoples lives and the need to be centred for a day each year, even just in a compulsory text, is odd.

Fizzyfish · 03/05/2022 01:16

Yeah that's a bit shit of them tbh. Happy belated birthday x

Nouveaunew · 03/05/2022 02:28

I just feel like the fact none of them had remembered proves I’m not important to them at all

na it doesn’t prove you’re not important to them but it does prove they’re just very important to themselves! People are just selfish but they do Care!

Changeee1546789 · 03/05/2022 02:45

I am not on FB and get this every year. It's shitty behaviour and there is nothing else to be said. I don't care if people are busy. Grow up.

HB OP :)

Mary46 · 03/05/2022 12:16

Happy Birthday op. Lousy yes. Especially a big birthday.

layladomino · 03/05/2022 12:43

If these are peole who have always sent a card or messaged you, but didn't this time, I'd put it down to a one-off memory lapse (unless you think they have a reason to be off with you?)

If they aren't normally the cards / gift / message people, then I wouldn't expect anything of them on a 'big' birthday either. Big birthdays are only big to the person whose birthday it is and their immediate family perhaps.

My lovely friend who I've known all my life asked me about my upcoming big birthday 2 years after it had happened! She had sent a card on the day but hadn't clocked it was 'that' birthday. And why should she? People have busy lives. Like you OP I keep a tight diary and tend to remember how old everyone is and to mark special occasions, but I'm aware that's just how I am. I don't expect other people to do the same.

Some people are good at remembering birthdays. Some are rubbish. Some are good at organising nights out. Some are rubbish. Some are good in a crisis/ some not. If your friends are generally rubbish. If they are thoughtless and selfish - then try to find new friends. But if they just forgot your big birthday then I wouldn't hold that against them in itself.