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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What are you and your partner/DH doing today?

14 replies

blueagain · 02/05/2022 15:25

if you are married/in a long term relationship what are you and your OH doing today? How much time have you spent together today and what are your normal weekends like? My OH of more than a decade spends no time with me. Squirrels himself away in his man cave and makes no effort to engage me during the days at all. I can engage him sometimes in things but I’m tired of doing that. It would be good to feel wanted. Is it normal in that length of relationship for the man to not be interested in spending time with his partner?

OP posts:

LubaLuca · 02/05/2022 15:30

He's been gardening this morning when I was shopping and now we're curled up together watching the snooker. We're a pair of fogeys, but we do like spending time together.

I crave solitude more than he does. I sometimes need to go out on my own or have a long bath to get away from other people for a little bit. It's just now and then, I'm not constantly trying to avoid my husband.

GreatCuppa · 02/05/2022 15:31

No I wouldn’t say that’s normal at all. Infact it’s really sad. Have you tried to talk to him about it?

We’ve spent the day taking the DC clothes shopping as rather selfishly they’ve decided to grow out their clothes. 😂 Seriously though, we do spend a lot of time together when we’re home. We’re always in the same room together even if we’re doing different things.

Shoxfordian · 02/05/2022 15:34

I don’t think it’s making you happy op

We’ve been doing the crossword; now in the midst of a game and then going to play on the switch later together

shreddednips · 02/05/2022 15:42

We've been at the garden centre all day with DS and had lunch there. We generally spend most of our days together when we're not working, but we're all hugely into gardening so we're usually out there any spare second we have.

Evenings though we tend to spend time in different rooms. That works for us though because we both prefer a good chunk of time apart and don't like the same telly etc. It's nothing personal against DH, he understands and feels the same about having some time away from me 😆 I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it if you both are happy with it, but it sounds like you're not. Have you tried talking to him about it?

Hbh17 · 02/05/2022 15:45

He has been out all day & I have been at home. This is perfectly normal, and we are both happy with what we are doing. We will see each other later. Seems a bit odd to me to need to spend every minute of the day together, and I consider separate hobbies to be very healthy.

ReeseWitherfork · 02/05/2022 15:45

Do you have children?

DH and I spend the majority of weekends together. We took the kids to the (activity) farm today.

HMG107 · 02/05/2022 15:56

It depends on whose normal it is. My next door neighbour spends no time at all with his wife and son - he even stays at home when they go on holiday.

We have a 2.5 year old so myself and the OH have spent all day looking after her, including baking and taking her out for lunch. We both enjoy time on our own and when we can we savour having a few hours on our own but are both conscious that we regular couple time to feel connected.

As others have said are you happy? I regularly wonder why the family next door stay together as it comes across as though they'd be so much happier if they parted ways.

QueenofLouisiana · 02/05/2022 15:59

We went to a plant sale, took the dog. Had a coffee outside and chatted to friends we saw- arranged a night out with a couple.

Came home and he planted the new plants, I made lunch. Drank a bottle of wine and ate lunch in the garden.

I’m now about to have a snooze while he watches snooker.

PickAChew · 02/05/2022 16:02

He's been sorting stuff out that very much needs to go, after taking autistic Ds2 for his regulation walk, this morning. I've done my Monday shop and some housework. Occasionally our paths have crossed eg to eat fogether, chat about stuff.

Original poster

blueagain · 02/05/2022 16:49

Thanks for the replies. To respond to people who have asked, no I’m not happy. I do have my own hobbies but I’m constantly going to things like family celebrations on my own. I go to things at the weekend with the kids and see other blokes with their family. I just don’t understand how I ended up here. I wanted to know if it’s normal. He will only do what he wants to do. I’d love to have someone to bimble around a garden centre with, get a coffee, have lunch, go home and do some planting together. He’d only ever order stuff online and if we ever went we’d be in and out in 15 minutes. I know there’s more to life than trips out but I’m so lonely and I can go off to the gym and do my stuff but I don’t understand how I’m living right now is in any way different to being single! He’s also started talking/responding to me in a huffy/frustrated tone. To everything. He can’t seem to be pleasant to me. He talks to me like I’m a naughty child. All the time. I can’t see at our age that getting any better. It’s ingrained now. My dad does it to my mum and I grew up hearing it. It’s really pissing me off and making me feel depressed. Nobody else talks to me like that apart from my dad.

OP posts:

DeskInUse · 02/05/2022 17:22

We've been food shopping and taken the dogs for a lovely walk. We're about to sit down and binge a few episodes of masterchef whilst having a few gins (well I will), as he goes to bed at 6am as he works at 1am

We do lots together on the weekend as my dh works shifts so goes to bed after tea and gets up about an hour after I go to bed. We don't see each other much during the week. It's unusual for us not to do things together on the weekend, although I do have a few girls weekends away over the next month.

Antarcticant · 02/05/2022 17:27

We went for a long walk in the countryside, with a picnic. Stopped off at Tesco on the way home. Got the dinner in the oven. He's reading the paper now while I'm messing about on the internet

Bednobsbroomsticks · 02/05/2022 17:32

How old are u both op. How long have you been together

Silkierabbit · 02/05/2022 17:41

I'm doing chemotherapy at the moment so things aren't as normal and I need to rest a lot. We are generally in different rooms but we do have lots of chats throughout the day. He works from home so is always here and so I am - he works from the dining room, he is often in that room playing his piano or cooking in the kitchen. When I am well enough we do have days out together, most recent was 3 nights away together with our son at the Easter Bank Holiday weekend, meals together and went on a lovely boat trip to see puffins and seals. He takes me to hospital each time which is normally at least once a week and we chat on way and whilst waiting. We chat about house, kids, holidays, schools, days out, pets, news, work, friends, everything really.

I think the important thing with time together is you are both happy with the amount and that you talk to each other with respect and it does not sound like either of those is right for you.

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