Help - libido disappeared

[Hoolaboolala]

Regular here, name changed.

Since having DC my libido has nose dived to the point that I’m just not interested anymore. DH has a high drive, I did too before. This is causing some difficulties, DH is very understanding and tries but it’s a very important part of our relationship for him and helps him feel close and connected.

has anyone had the same thing and got back on track? Any tips?

from a practical perspective, we have 2 under 3, both fit and healthy, very busy jobs and home life and TBH I am exhausted at the end of the day and just want to lie in a hot bath and crash out. I’m usually more energetic early morning but kids are awake with the larks and I can’t do it if I can hear them, even if they are still in their rooms. We’ve been for an odd night away and sometimes this sparks something in me, some times not really.

Should also add, I am attracted to DH who is very handsome, he is also great with the kids, does a good share - I’d like a bit more but it’s not a major complaint and I’d say we are about even when it all comes out of the wash

I'm afraid I think it's pretty normal. But I do think it often gets better.

What contraception are you using?

I’m on the depo provera injections

Read "come as you are" by Emily Nagoski - I found it very helpful to understand what turns me off sex (being knackered, being overheard both big issues for me) and when is good for me. 2 under 3 with busy jobs and a busy home life is always going to be a bit of a passion killer though.

I could have written this but my kids are older (6 and 11).
We did have a big heart to heart about it last night to reassure him that it's me not him. We're both mid 40s and he's worried about looking older and less hot but I still think he's gorgeous.
I'm due a smear next week so I'll chat to my nurse then and see if I need hormone/blood tests/supplements. I've just started reading up on Maca tablets if anyone has tried these?
Hoping others have helpful advice for us!

I think it is possible to get it back, I found my sex drive dropped off a cliff when I had my kids. Tbh it was when I got pregnant.
I think you would know if there was a bigger issue in the fact that Im not sure that I find my dh attractive anymore, so it's clearly not just a libido issue.
You say you find dh really attractive still, so I think an open chat and maybe trying new things.
Take advantage of any nights away or breaks you can have and maybe a cheeky afternoon off work?

@VJasper86 unfortunately those occasions are never going to be frequent enough to get anywhere with the problem. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, I literally have zero interest. If someone said right now I never have to have sex again I’d be fine about it!

Bumping for us! Threads always seem to...ahem...dry up once I've posted!

I haven’t had kids so cannot comment on that aspect but I am taking DHEA for IVF (egg quality) and one (ahem) side benefit is definitely libido! Turns out people do take it for that reason…

It decreases naturally in our bodies as we age or for hormonal reasons . Biovea is where I got it. Test your DHEA-S levels (via Medichecks) before taking it.

It’s so much more common than people realise. Especially if you feel “done” in terms of having children. It’s natures way of saying enough is enough…. ! Not particularly helpful I know but it’s good to acknowledge there isn’t actually anything “wrong” in feeling like this.

Do you follow The Sex Doctor on Instagram? She covers this and often discusses desire in general. She runs a clinic & the offer workshops: havelockonlineworkshops.teachable.com/p/good-sex-for-new-parents

I think it is possible for things to improve, but I think we often have to accept that things will be different post children. They do usually improve as the kids become more independent. You will be popping back here to ask about how to have sex with teenagers in the house 😉