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Original poster

Would this put you off?

27 replies

lilaclover21 · 01/05/2022 22:41

I've been seeing someone for a few months. He's kind, caring and respectful.
The thing is although the has moved out for a few months before, he lives with his mum. Lovely family but their house isn't very clean shall we say. They also have 'family night' on Sunday, which means I can't see him on a Sunday night or at least not until late and with his mum giving him a hard time about it. I get on well with all his immediate family and they are very kind to me, but would that put you off?

OP posts:
WomanHere · 01/05/2022 22:44

How old is he? 22 not an issue, 42 an issue.

Original poster
lilaclover21 · 01/05/2022 22:49

30 x

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 01/05/2022 22:49

I think it would a bit. Again depending on his age. Who else is involved in family night? His mum sounds a bit clingy too which could be a problem further down the line.

WTF99 · 01/05/2022 22:57

lilaclover21 · 01/05/2022 22:49

30 x

Referencing WomanHere ....an issue* *

PeachesToday · 01/05/2022 22:58

He’s 30 and should be deciding how he wants to spend his Sunday night.

it wouldn’t be for me

Zerrin13 · 01/05/2022 22:59

Its a no from me

HisHX · 01/05/2022 23:12

Yes it would put me off. Living with parents on itself, but the control aspect, 🚩🚩

Original poster
lilaclover21 · 01/05/2022 23:17

I think this family night is a big Sunday dinner with his parents and brother 🤷🏼‍♀️ he isn't 'allowed' to miss it, I've suggested going out for meals on a Sunday night but it's been a no. It's a shame as otherwise he's really nice!

OP posts:
Raindrops2015 · 01/05/2022 23:20

I think it's nice that he makes time for family. How he treats his mother is how he will treat you. He should think about getting his own place though.

Sunnytwobridges · 02/05/2022 00:27

I wouldn’t mind the living with parents part, you never know peoples circumstances. And cost of living is tough these days. But the mandatory Sunday meals would definitely be a turn off, especially since he’s not willing to stand up to his mother. Which means this would be an issue going forward with boundaries and whatnot.

Nsky62 · 02/05/2022 00:31

Families are important, why can’t you join, how clean is ok or not?

MrsEricBana · 02/05/2022 00:39

I think family time is good and says a lot about him tbh. Do they ever invite you to go too?

jewishmum · 02/05/2022 00:42

No, but I could be biased

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 00:45

Come on now. Run for your life. Why you're even questioning this is beyond me.

NewBootsAndRanty · 02/05/2022 00:46

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 00:45

Come on now. Run for your life. Why you're even questioning this is beyond me.

This.

Thistlelass · 02/05/2022 01:02

I guess there needs to be flexibility about the Sunday night meal. If the two of you became an item I would expect the parents - stop focusing on mum here - to get round to inviting you. There was a time when one of my sons and his girlfriend used to come to me on a Sunday evening for their meal almost without fail. They enjoyed it and I enjoyed cooking for them as I live alone. They are now married with 2 kids.

mackthepony · 02/05/2022 01:03

What's up with the clean issue?

Rickrollme · 02/05/2022 01:14

It wouldn’t bother me a bit if my partner wanted to go to dinner with his family once a week, but if he genuinely doesn’t want to go but feels unable to assert himself that would be a problem. He could be telling you it’s the latter when really it’s the former.

Monty27 · 02/05/2022 01:17

If he were to invite you would you go?

LondonQueen · 02/05/2022 01:52

Living at home, not too big of a deal. The family night and his mum being controlling is a big red flag 🚩

KangFang · 02/05/2022 04:59

You might be marrying in to all of this some day, if you keep going with this.
I'd be off personally.

KatherineJaneway · 02/05/2022 05:25

The 'not very clean' would put me off .

Furrbabymama87 · 02/05/2022 05:28

Family time is nice but it's a bit much if it's completely non negotiable and at the expense of him seeing his partner.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 02/05/2022 05:59

Is his brother younger? Engaged? Married?
Does his brother's Fiancée/Wife (if applicable) also attend these Sunday night dinners?
Does his mother make any exceptions eg. If it was your birthday would your "seeing someone" be allowed to take you out on a Sunday evening?
Does she expect every Sunday evening for the next 10 years to include her sons, their partners, and children (if applicable) attending?
Are they allowed to go away on holiday over a Sunday evening, and therefore not be available?
Does she get cross, upset, or both if her children go against her wishes?
Has your "ss" ever asked her any of the above questions, and does he know her long term plans/expectations - if he does, how does he feel about them?
Does your "ss" think he will ever stand up to her?
Does he even want to?

Is she Italian?

If you know the answer to all or most of those questions, your answer should be obvious to you. 💐

Girlintheframe · 02/05/2022 06:02

Living with his family wouldn't bother me but the inflexibly with Sundays would.
Would say to me that what his family says goes and for some reason he doesn't want to say no to them which I would find worrying.