DP money issues, he says gambling but I suspect otherwise

[NotConvinced1]

Will try keep as brief as possible as long story but I just don't know what to think.

Following recent redundancy, DP has found new job but on a lower salary. We usually split bills 50/50 ( no joint account). However recently he has been unable to pay his share. Sometimes paying nothing, others half or 75% of what is due. Each time he has promised he would sort out for next pay day but has not. He, without being asked, admitted upfront it was due to gambling. Which I accepted (have a lot of other more important things than money going on currently).

Things came to a head last week when once again he couldn't pay. He was apologetic and seemed upset. However, something told me to ask to see his bank statements. I was quite calm and just asked to see them. He is refusing. He says it is embarrassing. But thinking about it more and more the gambling seems like an excuse. Our relationship is not in the best shape currently and he seems to have sort of checked out of home life. He also will not allow me anywhere near his phone. I gave him an ultimatum of sorts and said I want to see his bank statements to prove it is gambling or it is over, he is still adamant he is not doing this.

Leaving aside the gambling, which I know is a serious issue. Am I right to be suspicious he is not giving me the truth?

OP,

Whatever it is, your relationship is over.

Gambling will destroy you financially.

Get out and protect yourself.

Stick to your guns. I did something similar, gave the ultimatum (asked for proof of a lie he had given) and refused contact with person until they provided it. I got the truth 2 weeks later (half of it anyway "I was with this girl all weekend but we didn't sleep together").

Does he have a history of gambling? If not, are you thinking expensive hotels and gifts for OW?

I agree gambling is ruinous. We do have totally separate finances, so it's not something that could have long term implications for me (I think). And as I say, that would have been bad enough. I just don't think it is gambling. It would be the end of things either way, I just have other factors to take into account as to how I go about things (children, health problems etc).

I was thinking more along the lines of spending money on only fans type stuff. Which would tie in with being so protective over his phone.

So you need to make a decision without all of the facts then I'm afraid. He's a shit either way for leaving you to pick up the bills.

I also asked him to show me his betting account instead of bank statements to see the extent of the problem. At which point he said it's not been done through skybet but via friends/acquaintances. Which again, is even more suspect in my opinion.

I agree with Billy1996
this relationship is not going to work.
After a recent experience of this type of situation I can tell you to walk away!
If this is as good as it gets it’s not great.

Yes, I guess I probably will have to. Couldn't have happened at a worse time which is why I wanted to avoid drastic measures if at all possible right now

as a retired couple, spending in the early years does make a huge impact later on in life. i'd not be willing to take the hit now or in 30 years time.

Thank you all for advice. I think maybe I did not make clear I'll be ending it anyway just, the manner in which I do so will depend on if it is gambling or not. If it's gambling I would put aside for a while whilst he finds somewhere else to live (for the sake of children) but if I have been subsidising say another woman or an only fans thing then I would want him gone immediately. I guess I won't get the truth from him though.

Well, you might get a version of it if you give him an ultimatum, might shock him into coming clean, but i wouldn't bank on it... Hiding phone is never a good sign.

If it is only gambling he probably has Apps and notifications from his bank when he makes purchases, so no reason not to show you his phone to prove his explanation. Telling you he uses his friends' to make bets? Don't believe it for one minute. Generally, people don't want that type of trace on their statements, for all kinds of financial reasons.
You don't get a mortgage if you have a large gambling habit.
I would go with paying for sex workers in one way or another - even if only remotely. Either that or another woman on the go?
Other things: fancy products, holidays, drink, vast binge eating or expensive hobbies .. You would know..