Husbands Depression

[Lunapie]

I feel absolutely awful writing this, as I don't feel like I've ever really admitted it to myself before.

My husband has had depression since before we got together. I've always I feel like I have no energy left. We sat in silence tonight having dinner. The only thing he said was that he cannot imagine being happy again. Which isn't true, as he goes through these episodes and then does come out the other side. I feel awful because I cannot imagine the pain he goes through, but selfishly I am also in so much pain. When he's feeling strong I tell him about it and he is so apologetic, and he doesn't need to be because I know it's an illness. I don't want to leave him, but I just want every now and then for him to hold me for once, and tell me everything will be okay. I feel like I'm grieving for the future we never had. I love him so, so much. I just wish he could see the kind, caring man he is when this beast isn't inside him.

He's back with the counsellor this week so I'm hoping for a slow miracle. I don't really know what I wanted to achieve from posting on here, but perhaps to know whether anyone else has felt the same.

I have depression and anxiety and when I’m on a low spell all I want is to be left alone, to be in myself. I get irritated when people chatter endlessly when they could say what they have to say on one sentence. I am completely selfish at these low episodes, I just ant me and no one else.

You say you tell your dh how you’re affected by his low spells when he isn’t having one, don’t take this the wrong way but it seems your telling him adds to the guilt he probably feels.
Talking therapies help some, medication helps some and at times a mixture of the two. It’s not an easy road for either of you.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be the man you say he is, at the moment all he can see is how to get through the next hour, the next meal etc

How long have you been together? How often is he well? Have you got kids? If your answers are less than a decade, not often enough and no then I would feel like you and I would leave. I would fill my life with laughter and good people and mourn what I wanted but couldn’t have with your dh.

my partner is unwell mentally. We had lots of good years first but it distorts the fabric of a relationship so much that without all those good times and the promise that they can return, plus the connection of our children I wouldn’t invest my life into a relationship that couldn’t return the investment. I won’t leave mine because I love him and because he is still a good partner and father but if we were much earlier and it had happened earlier I wouldn’t have stayed because if this had been the main element of our lives then it would have squashed everything else.

Get counselling for you and think carefully about what you want. If you stay resource your life to run independently so you have most of everything you need in place without him.

Had he been to.the GP? Would he take antidepressants?