It's dickish to expect sex from somebody struggling with their MH isn't it?

[Quashcai]

FWB, longstanding friendship for donkeys years prior so we know one another really well and were friends long before the benefits.

I'm going through a bad time with my mental health right now to the extent I've been on the phone to samaritans alot. I explained that to him and said I was depressed, having panic attacks and really struggling so the 'benefits' were on a back burner at the minute for that reason as I'm not feeling it.

He claimed to be totally understanding, no problem at all, you can still talk to me I'm always here for you, we've always been friends above all else so if there's anything I can do yada yada yada..

..then proceeds to expect sexual stuff.

That's a dick move isn't it? Perhaps not a friend after all?

Would this change how you thought of somebody or am I just being too sensitive because I'm in a crap place and judging him harshly?

yeah that's shit.
A lot of 'friends with benefits' stuff is a bit delusional though ... less about the friendship, more about the benefits. Without the benefits you are just passing acquaintances

We were platonic friends before the benefits though so it differs somewhat from the traditional FWB that consists of acquaintances mainly. You may have a point though

Yes it's definitely dickish behaviour on his part op Have you challenged him on it?

Agree with lassof about many fwb relationships too. Don't want to make incorrect assumptions about your specific situation op, but some fwb relationships that I am aware of, seem quite exploitative. Are you sure this relationship is not contributing to your depression? Either way, I hope you are able to get some support for your mh and that you feel stronger soon.

It sounds like he is not really your friend. I hope you have other friends who can support you.

I haven't challenged him on it no. I feel like doing a slow fade and just getting rid of him. A part of me does want to challenge him but I don't think it will do any good, he must already know he's being a dick. I mean who thinks somebody who's having a breakdown fancies a shag ffs.

I can see why some would consider it exploitative when you look at the power dynamic, he's a bit older and has no MH problems and then there's me who would probably be deemed vulnerable.

thank you for your kind words x

Thank you I do have one or two really lovely friends

Yes it is OP, he just doesn’t sound like a nice person tbh. Sorry that you’re feeling low.

It's dickish to expect sex from someone who has said they don't feel up for sex for whatever reason, or indeed to have an 'expectation' of sex in any scenario other than one's partner saying they're in the mood for sex.

It's not automatic that someone suffering with MH issues will be off sex, however. Many will; others will benefit from the feeling of closeness or from the temporary break from thinking about the shit bits of life.

In this instance it sounds like you'd made it clear you didn't want sex for a while so yes, he's a dick.

It's dickish to expect sex in any circumstance. It just isn't something you are allowed to expect off anyone. You can hope for it, you can help create circumstances where people may want it but never expect.

They're not really your "friend".
hope this opens your eyes to move onto a meaningful relationship when youre ready

He’s not a friend, and there’s no benefit to you.

Yeah I agree he's not a friend anymore. Time to block delete and move on, as lalalaletmeexplain would say.

I have a FWB (although we've met on a dating app and we weren't friends before - just came up with this arrangement as it suits us both not to be in a real relationship for various reasons) so I think they can occasionally work.

However with your low mood at the moment, navigating and negotiating with your Fwb seems like it isn't serving you well so I agree, time to knock it in the head.
I hope you get yourself sorted and are soon in a happier place.

Thank you 😊