How often do yo go on 'date' dates with your DP's?

[piddocktrumperiness]

Hi there! I'm new to relationships in the sense that I was married for 15yrs, arranged marriage so went straight from my parents home to my then husband's. We seldom went out. It was a toxic relationship.
Fast forward, I've been divorced 6 years and have been with a lovely gentleman for just over a year- we met during lockdown. The only real reference points I have as to what couples do is what I see on TV. My friends have been with theirs since uni so I can't really apply my situation here. I'm late 30's and alot of our time together is over each other's home, cooking either together, or I for him and us just being together, watching tv, talking, playing board games. I'm hungry for more, I'd like to go out far more often and go away too. When I do suggest going our he is receptive, I often nudge him to do something which he will do but only after me saying, but I'm not sure whether I'm asking for alot or have unsustainable and unrealistic expectations in dating/relationships. I know he loves the comfort of the mundane but I lived the mundane for a while and want to experience the zest that I imagine other have done when I was younger.

How often do you go on 'date' dates with your DP's

Gosh the typos are awful- sorry!

Well, Ive been married for 25 years and we don't use the term date nights, but we go out together quite a lot, either just us or with friends. Once a week, sometimes more. Cinema, dinner, pub, theatre whatever.

When we first started dating and got serious, we went out 2 or 3 times a week. We went on day trips, out for dinner, to pub quiz, the cinema - all sorts of things. Sometimes we stayed in and played board games or did jigsaws. Now we live together, I think we go out on "dates" 2 or 3 times a month. We still go for days out, out to dinner with friends and to pub quiz every week!

Do you ever go away for the weekend, or just out for the day? Staying in all the time and cooking or playing board games is cosy, but a bit dull.

It doesn't really matter what others do.

I'm hungry for more, I'd like to go out far more often and go away too

If 99% of the responses here were that they never do date nights then it's still ok for you to want more!

When I do suggest going our he is receptive, I often nudge him to do something which he will do but only after me saying, but I'm not sure whether I'm asking for alot or have unsustainable and unrealistic expectations in dating/relationships.

Is there a problem then? If he's receptive and does things when you nudge him to then why not ask to go out far more often and to go away?
Do you need him to be suggesting and planning things too? And if so why?

Thanks everyone!
@Moser85 I feel deep down him initiating is a little more romantic, take the weight off and be thought of kind of thing. I hear that 'if he wanted to, he would' and looking at others and how they're whisked away or taken out I wonder if he does want to on those occasions.

We've not been away yet-we've been out for the day but in our local town. I'd like to go places and as I am not well travelled (my ex wouldn't let me go anywhere) I don't really have an archive of ideas of places that we could go for the day

Your problem is that you met during lockdown- and it’s always been a natural excuse to not go out. This has meant he hasn’t had to plan dates or had the expectation to ‘whisk you away’ as it’s not been on the table. You have essentially leapfrogged to a very domestic relationship with none of the romance and dating- however good and happy you are in your relationship now.

To answer your question- I met my fiancé just before lockdown and we would go for dinner or to see music about 3-4 times a week. When he asked for exclusivity, we still went out for dinner or did something twice a week, but I felt more comfortable with allowing him to cook for me. We went away together around the same time too. He would often take the lead and book the tables, unless I had a particular craving for something.

When lockdown hit he would plan concert nights where he’d download an opera or a live gig, and we’d have some drinks with it. Or we’d go out for a picnic. Or choose a new 8 hour recipe to cook, shop and he’d lay the table beautifully. We also had a lot of covid holidays, looking back- travelling as soon as the restrictions were lessened.

We have been together about 3 years, living together now and still go out on dates at least once a week, but we’ll do a nice lockdown activity that he instigated.

I very much wanted a man who wanted to wine and dine me, and I love being ‘whisked away’- which is the type of man he is. So I responded with gratitude and pleasure every time he planned something tasty or beautiful or fun for us to do.

If your guy isn’t much of a planner and has used the covid excuse to not take you on dates- you need to assert yourself and say that the world is open now, and you really would like to book that trip/try that restaurant/go to that bar. I think you will get a mix of answers as lots of people do just jump from walks in the park to Netflix and joggers with no courting or romance, but there is nothing wrong with wanting more than that.

But ultimately there is truth to ‘if he wanted to, he would’. I’d also be wary of telling him too much about your past at this stage. Some men can be lazy and unromantic, particularly if they know the woman has just come from a bad relationship as they immediately know they are ‘better’ by being kind and non abusive.

We're on holiday ATM. We have another 3 or 4 trips abroad planned this yr.
We have a trip away every month.
Plus we do stuff with the kids..

Board games 🤣🤣
More like bored games

I don't call them dates but on a weekend we usually have a day in and a day out. Or I'll have a day with friends and a day out the house with my husband.
Visiting a town or city, going to the cinema, going for a walk, exploring somewhere we've not been to before, going to some sort of 'event', farmers market, exhibition and so on.
Then we go for a meal as and when the fancy (and finances) takes us, out to gigs etc....
I do a lot of things with my friends, but it's lovely having a person to do stuff with outside of that. The mutual experiences give us more things to talk and laugh about. I have a busy life outside my marriage and it's stuff he doesn't have a massive interest in, but he loves when I chose to involve him now and again and he gets a glimpse of what else I get up to.

How about sitting down and coming up with a list together of places you might go?
It could be places that need a day or more to explore, places you can nip to for a few hours to break up a full weekend etc ... One warm day amongst lock downs we just had a spontaneous day going for a drive to find some waterfalls, then got hungry and had a takeaway in the park and so on.
What sorts of things would you like to try? Don't be scared to do them alone or find other people that enjoy those activities, if he doesn't fancy them... There's a Facebook group for everything these days and you'll soon make connections if you want company.
Having someone that enhances a full and interesting life is a really good thing, rather than your life revolving around them.

We don’t go out all the time, I would like to pop out more but we were out to a few bars and a restaurant this weekend. We have a couple of parties lined up, a couple of holidays, a night away and some nice dinners booked. He’s more of a homebody than I am but we do go out either alone or with friends

Every week, at least once. Usually for a meal or a day out to somewhere in the countryside or coast or London. Weekend away once every six weeks to our favourite places. We've been to day spas (and got a other booked for June). Long walks with a pub lunch afterwards. We both initiate the ideas and have no kids at home.

Tbh though, although it's both of us suggesting things, it's usually me who finds the restaurant/hotel/walk place of interest and books it! I like doing it.

Never, we don't have any childcare after 6pm so our childcare only ever covers us working. No grandparents or family nearby and I'm not comfortable with a random person off the internet taking them for the first time while we walk out the door.