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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed - messed up my friendship last night drunk

18 replies

Lifegoalsneeded · 01/05/2022 15:44

went out with my good male friend last night. We got drunk - me more so. I stupidly went out drink after an operation a few days ago. I was on pain killers and hadn’t eaten much. It had disaster written all over. I am starting to remember bits now.

last night was not my finest moment. I am normally not that big a drinker.

we were having a great time. But I did drink a lot and got very drunk. He was staying at mine on the sofa bed. However managed to convince him to share a bed with me as I was cold.

he said I tried it on with him. So he left to sleep on the sofa bed. I then appeared with a duvet and told him we were done.

in the morning we chatted and he said I was blind drunk, tried it on with him and he was upset with me ending the friendship by his rejection. He said that he would never had made a move on me as I was really drunk.

he said that I was in a right state, unusual for me. He thought we were good friends and even though at times the thought had crossed his mind, he valued our friendship. He was disappointed I couldn’t remember a lot. Said he saw me differently and would of left if he lived closer and was considering ending the friendship.

he said I also blew his mind last night on how I felt when I supported him through a crisis last year. He hadn’t realised that I also struggled with it and was upset that he hasn’t realised.

I am so embarrassed that I made a move on my friend. All I can excuse is drink made me do it. We had a chat and it seemed ok. But I am embarrassed. All he said was the truth comes out.

what can I do to get back to friends.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 01/05/2022 15:47

Firstly, be honest with yourself.

Do you have feelings for him?

Frogium · 01/05/2022 15:52

How old are you? This is by no means man bashing, but I do feel a lot of men use female friends as support and ego boost when they have some idea you have feelings for them. I find his "considering ending the friendship" quite dramatic TBH

Can you apologize and distance yourself from him a bit and let things cool down?

spotcheck · 01/05/2022 15:53

I don't believe for a second that 'truth comes out'- I say this as someone who has done things when drink that would never even occur to me in any other state.

All you can do is reiterate that painkillers + drink do not mix and that you are deeply sorry

However.... He is being quite shit for judging you when you were literally not in your right mind. Also, ffs- what sort of friend would sit there and watch you drink to that level whilst on painkillers.?
NOT that he is responsible, but Sheesh!!

TheVolturi · 01/05/2022 15:56

I do think that the truth comes out when drunk sorry. Might be deeply hidden truths but still.

Lifegoalsneeded · 01/05/2022 16:04

@excelledyourself thought had crossed my mind. But like our friendship too much. Didn’t realise that I would of made a move.

@Frogium we are early 40s. He sad he didn’t think I saw him that way

@spotcheck yeah it is a bit shit of him. But suppose I needed a reality check.

@TheVolturi yeah. It was a truth I hadn’t realised. I did say in the morning that I never made a move and done was more to do with the hurt at not realising the stress he caused

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 01/05/2022 16:48

This is by no means man bashing, but I do feel a lot of men use female friends as support and ego boost when they have some idea you have feelings for them. I find his "considering ending the friendship" quite dramatic TBH

I disagree.

I have lots of male friends and if one of them tried it on with me I would definitely consider ending the friendship, especially if they tried to end the friendship just because I rejected them.

All you can do is apologise and not stay in the same house again.

I would definitely think about whether you do have feelings for him or not.

Palmfrond · 01/05/2022 17:15

He sounds like he’s being a bit of a madam about it. I’ve had friends of the opposite sex do this to me when really trashed and the most I’ve had to say about it the next day is “lol don’t worry about it” and let the awkwardness fade over a while. And I have friends of the opposite sex who I might conceivably put the moves on if I was really really pissed who I can confidently say I don’t fancy sober. It’s not a big deal, just human foolishness.
Whether you have suppressed feelings for this nan and what if anything you want to do about it is another matter.

anon12345anon · 01/05/2022 17:19

Honestly, I think the majority of us have got smashed at one point, and made a bit of a tit of ourselves.....and if you're with a decent mate, the next day you should be able to laugh about it (or at least let them take the piss out of you!)...

I can't stand "friends" who take the holier-than-thou stance - get over yourself shrug

As long as you have apologised (and it's a one-off)- I wouldn't worry 😊

Lifegoalsneeded · 01/05/2022 17:21

@Onwards22 drunk me had feelings. Sober me is embarrassed and doesn’t

OP posts:
JulyDreams · 01/05/2022 19:51

If this is not a usual occurrence OP don't be so hard on yourself!! Happens to us all.

Alcemeg · 01/05/2022 19:54

Lifegoalsneeded · 01/05/2022 17:21

@Onwards22 drunk me had feelings. Sober me is embarrassed and doesn’t

I think this is what you have to say to him, plus "sorry" (although I'm sure you already have!).

And then there's not much else you can do but wait for water under the bridge. If it's a great friendship, things will pick up again at some point, although it may take some time.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 01/05/2022 20:19

I think your friend is getting a hard time on here. Imagine the reactions if the sexes had been the other way round. OK, a man doesn't usually have to fear sexual assault from a woman, but it must still have been super-embarrassing, and uncomfortable. You owe him a big apology.

Lifegoalsneeded · 02/05/2022 10:50

@Alcemeg i have done many times. He just keeps asking why?

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow it wasn’t my finest moment. He had a horrible experience with an ex accusing him of taking advantage when she was really drunk. He has always said he has been nervous around drunk women since. Said he didn’t think I wouid do this. Gave him a fright

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 02/05/2022 11:05

I have done many times. He just keeps asking why?
He's overthinking it, then. Maybe an anxious type?

Loopytiles · 02/05/2022 11:08

This paragraph of your OP doesn’t make sense:

’he said I also blew his mind last night on how I felt when I supported him through a crisis last year. He hadn’t realised that I also struggled with it and was upset that he hasn’t realised’

Lifegoalsneeded · 02/05/2022 11:27

@Alcemeg he does overthink and has turned this into his show. He said he will let me off this once and it’s all fine. But keeps asking questions.

@Loopytiles basically he split from an abusive ex who was an alcoholic. It got messy and accusations flew. She called police many times for false things and stalked him. and his mental health suffered. I was his sounding board. Support. I was going through massive health issues and I struggled as she started to accuse me too.

Our friendship did get intense and I set boundaries. He never thinks how things affect others. He can also be a bit flaky with giving support to others. He recovered and things went back to normal. Our friendship grew.

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 02/05/2022 11:33

He sounds like a bit of a pain in the arse, OP, but at least you know each other's limits now 😀

Lifegoalsneeded · 02/05/2022 11:38

@Alcemeg yeah he can be. Said he is never drinking with me again. Just keeps asking who I told and why tell the guy I am seeing we went out.

OP posts:
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