I have finally reached the point where enough is enough with DP. He has spent years gaslighting me, verbally abusing me, occasionally physically abusing me and trying to control my feelings and emotions, grinding me down until I feel utterly worthless. He is also incredibly cruel to me when I'm vulnerable and I don't feel like I can ever forgive this. Now I've realised what is going on and the affect its been having on me, I'm getting kind of waves of horror and fear as my mind replays incident after incident of what I now know is abuse that was not my fault. I have live chatted with women's aid a few times and each time I explain what has been going on, they ask if my child is at risk, validate that it is abuse and sympathise that it must be very hard. They then direct me to my local women's aid and suggest I call them which I haven't yet done-it feels really big and scary and the final admittance that I can't just bury my head in the sand anymore hoping he'll change. I work in public services in a 'helping' role and am quite aware that often services can't offer much in the way of personalised help and it is more passing on information about other services that can help/leaflets. I'm quite scared of phoning and feeling like the last avenue for help isn't actually going to help IYSWIM. I know no one can make the decisions I need to for me but was hoping to talk them through with someone who has experience of women leaving abusive relationships. Is there anyone who would mind sharing their experiences?