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Relationships

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Original poster

Too young for midlife crisis?

20 replies

parker06 · 01/05/2022 08:39

My partner (M34) broke up with me on new years. Complete personality change over the least few months and emotional affair/kiss. We had been together for twelve years.

Before this happened we had recently moved to a new area, he had started a new job but had been hoping to start something completely different such as the police. He has an office job where he met his affair partner. He's been complaining about being overweight and going bald before this too. He wouldn't give me any straight answers about why he was breaking with me only he was confused about everything, needs to be alone, I annoy him and he's unsure what he wants. He broke up with me via text and hadn't spoken since. Does this sound like a midlife crisis? Or is he too young? I'm not sure why it's important for me to know only that after 12 years together I got no answers from him as to why we broke up and probably never will. Thanks

OP posts:

Candleabra · 01/05/2022 08:40

Why do you care? Be happy without him and move on.

LampLighter414 · 01/05/2022 08:43

Given the detail you supplied, it sounds like he would rather be with the affair partner or is otherwise weighing up who to go with. Why you've gone down the midlife crisis route I have no idea

HeDidWhattt · 01/05/2022 08:43

I’m a year older and I’m pretty sure I’m having a mid life crisis!!

Sunnygirl1 · 01/05/2022 08:47

@Candleabra · 01/05/2022 08:40
Why do you care? Be happy without him and move on.

For every unexpected situation in our life as intellectual thinking human beings, we need to know the reason(s) Why it happened to analyze it and if possible prevent it from happening again and save ourselves from being emotionally hurt.

Opentooffers · 01/05/2022 08:47

Having met someone else is probably enough, but also, if he is losing his hair, that can be a big deal for a man.
Did you live together, as you say he did it in a text? 12 years is a long time, any DC involved? Hard to tell, you'd need to give more context.

Sunnygirl1 · 01/05/2022 08:48

Original poster

parker06 · 01/05/2022 08:48

Thanks, I've been reading up on the script and he ticked every box so I thought midlife crisis or depression. I understand he probably wants to be with the other woman and it might not be either of these though, it's just hard to think that after this amount of years I got a text breaking up with no respect at all. He was lovely and kind before this

OP posts:

Original poster

parker06 · 01/05/2022 08:49

We did live together yes but after finding out I left for my own peace and he needed time to figure out what he wanted. No children

OP posts:

Kitten2 · 01/05/2022 09:10

I'm 3 younger and having a midlife (or some sort of) crisis.
Sounds quite similar tbh.

hopingforbettertimes · 01/05/2022 09:26

Totally feel for you. Receiving a text and then no proper explanation, that’s really hard. Some people on here are so harsh - you’re obviously hurt and seeking answers. I was exactly the same when my partner left - you want to know why someone who seemingly was lovely and kind suddenly turns into a complete prick. My partner basically turned into someone else when he left and said a lot of unpleasant things, but there were other things going on (he was getting counselling). Over a year and a half later we met to speak and he apologised and said he’d had a break down. I still don’t have all the answers but it helped to know that when he was being a dick he wasn’t in his right mind and it made sense. That’s so shit he is giving you nothing. Perhaps he is just being a massive coward and can’t face the music? After 12 years do you know his family? Do they know this is what he’s done?

Original poster

parker06 · 01/05/2022 09:35

Thank you for your kind words. I know his family, they don't know and I don't feel it's my place to tell them. Having no answers and wondering if I will ever hear a kind word from him again is torture. At some point we will need to discuss things like the house but atm I just can't face seeing the cruel person he's become

OP posts:

toddlingabout · 01/05/2022 09:55

Whatever he may have felt, he clearly doesn't now by his actions. Give yourself time to grieve the relationship and then work on you. Do exercise, but nice clothes, get your hair done, do a course, that kind of thing. Concentrate on your career, build a social life and find a way to be happy again. Enjoy being single, it has its pros. When you're ready, you will find someone else, it is far better to be in a happy place when you do. He wasn't right, at least he's shown you this before you had kids. You have the bonus of being able to just walk away and never see him again. It will all be ok, even though it may not seem it now.

Watch son Matthew Hussey videos on YouTube, they have some pretty good advice.

littleburn · 01/05/2022 10:01

OP, I had a very traumatic break up earlier in the year. I'd really, really recommend the Natasha Adamo book How to Win your Breakup. It's great for helping reframe the break up in your mind. It's also on audible (read by the author), which I found great for just having on whilst I'm driving, cleaning etc. If you Google her she has a number of articles online, so you can get a feel for her style and if it's a good fit for for you.

So sorry that you're going through this. It's an awful way to be treated by someone you've given so much to xxx

5128gap · 01/05/2022 10:08

I'm sorry OP, but I don't think there's any such thing as a mid life crisis. I think its made up to give men a free pass to behave badly and for women to excuse them for it. I think he either wants to be with the OW, or the experience with her has made him discontented with life. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but I would be careful about labelling it. Sometimes they realise the grass isn't greener snd try to bounce back. If this happens, you need to see it for what it is, a weak indulgent man who thought there was something better out there and is coming back when he finds there isn't; not a man who was somehow the victim of his age.

Sunnygirl1 · 01/05/2022 11:53

At 4:45

Overthewine · 01/05/2022 16:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

whymewhyme · 01/05/2022 16:15

Im going through similar and hes 37

EarthSight · 01/05/2022 16:18

He broke up with me via text

Knob. Good riddance. Who does this to their partner of 12 YEARS???

noirchatsdeux · 01/05/2022 16:29

My father had a mid-life crisis at 30...he'd been married to my mother and a father for exactly 10 years. A one month trip back to the UK was all it took for him to decide he didn't want the family life anymore. My mother wishes now she'd told him to sling his hook then, rather than holding on for another 11 years while he had affair after affair. He did finally leave her for another woman.

Fluffycloudland77 · 01/05/2022 16:56

Men don’t have mid-life crisis, they have affairs.

My dh had a breakdown, he literally broke down as an adult he certainly wasn’t in any position to have an affair.

We need to stop labelling shagging other women/men as anything more than an opportunity to shag around that they took because they think they’ll get away with it.

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