Have I every right to be annoyed ? - (warning- sex talk)

[ExtremelyBored]

DH has never been the most romantic, passionate or even sexual person. His idea of sex is grabbing my ass and saying 'fancy a shag' which I personally don't find very sexy. Sex has always been jump on, do the job, roll over and fall asleep.

Well after some good advice from this post
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/450565 - I took the initiative to go buy some sexy underwear and take the lead.

So today, DC's at School, I had a very long hot shower then dressed all nice in the new underwear and led DH to the bedroom, he seemed pleased. However when I initiated foreplay first (as in oral sex on me), he said "oh no, I have to been in the mood for that" which annoyed me as he wouldn't hesitate if I did it to him. Then he said "I'll give you a quicky if you want, I have to go to work soon". .

I feel as if I am banging my head against a brick wall. I made an effort with him (which admittedly doesn't happen often) and he made me feel sooooo unsexy and it's not as if I ask him to perform oral on me very often either. .

Do you think he/we need to see some kind of sex therapist and where do we find one?

He sounds like a twonk TBH dear

Yes you do need some help. But first have you actually told him how miserable you are about all this?

Rather than a therapist I think you need to work out what exactly you want and then talk to him about it.

In my experience the majority of men need things spelled out for them.

Have you discussed your feelings about sex with him before?

Well, just because you were in the mood doesnt mean he has to be.

If DH grabbed me and wanted me to give him oral sex cos he felt like it, it wouldnt turn me on! Maybe you should have tried oral sex on him first.

Maybe you should have thought that he wouldnt have much time before work and just been romantic without expecting sex.

I do understand how you must feel now....that you made some effort and were a bit rejected but I think your DH needs some encouragement of what is pleasing to you and what you would like him to do to you rather than wanting him to give you oral sex.

i think you ned to talk about it out of the bedroom - in that you could say that your fed up of a quickie and if you wanted a quickie you would do it yourself. tell him your not happy and he need s to make an effort

You really need to talk to him and explain how you feel....he may not like what you have to say but you really have to say it!! Otherwise things will never improve....ask him why he is so unwilling to have foreplay? this is a very important part for the woman....maybe he does not realise this?

but calzone - he is the one that usually wants to do oral on me and I usually can't be bothered, so I thought I would make an effort. He never says no to penetrative sex though.

Sounds like he is getting mixed signals from you and so is prob a bit confused?? You really need to talk to him.

Oh, well you never said that! I thought that he might be turned off if you stuck your fanjo in front of him and expected oral sex.

Maybe he felt under pressure to perform!

other than that......he is a twonk!!!

Well we had an hour before we went to work - a lot can happen in an hour .

I will talk to him tomorrow he at work now.

my DP often doesnt feel like going down on me, he also has to be in that sort of mood. I do agree that your DH didnt put it very well, and after all that effort he should have been in the mood. Perhaps you both felt under pressure.

I just think tell him you felt a bit rejected, and then see about setting up a naughty night, kids in bed, just you him and a bottle of wine.