Change of career husband not supportive

[Moonie542]

Sorry for the long post but I just feel that I need to get out there what I am feeling.

I have been at the same company for over 20 years. The company have been really flexible with my kids , they are a good company and I have a good salary but I really hate my job and I find it stressful. 5 years ago I had a cancer diagnosis which changed my outlook on life. I wanted to leave work and do something else but financially it wasn’t possible. A couple of years later my husband then changed career to one with less money while I carried on in my job. Recently I applied for a job as a Emergency Care Assistant and I had an interview but when I told my husband he wasn’t happy as it would mean a massive pay cut and working shifts. He does say that if you want to do it go for it if I get it but he makes me feel guilty.

He has recently got a higher paid job. I feel really angry that he has got to have all these change of jobs whereas I’m still where I am. I have tried to get another job in the sector that I work in but despite trying for loads I have been unsuccessful. I know I should be grateful that I have a well paid job but I can’t face another 20 years in the same job.

My self esteem is at an all time low both at work and in my relationship. He wasn’t there for me at all when my Dad died and he always tells me that when I do stuff it isn’t right and his way is the best which makes me feel like I’m rubbish. As I am a people pleaser person I feel like I neglect what I want to do to go along with what he wants.

Recently when we have been home together I have found him really irritating and when he is out I just feel so relieved.

Thank you for reading.

What does he say when you discuss it with him? I can completely understand that he doesn't want you to take a massive pay cut which could impact on the family, but it sounds like he is making all the decisions here.
Did he discuss it with you (and listen to you!) when he made his two job changes?

Sounds like you need a change of relationship status too.

The not supporting you through your dad's death would have been reason enough for me. Very telling about his empathy lack there of. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who isn't there for you when you really need him? And who makes you feel crap about everything you do? Cause...that's not a partner.

I don't know why you've decided on a new job that's less pay and shift work...but maybe it's something you really want to do? If not,if it's just for the same of something new...maybe you would be better retraining for something totally different. Perhaps you could still do this whilst in the new job though.

A change can be as good as a holiday, as they say. But me personally, I'd change the 'partner' as well as the job xD

That’s part of the trouble he really isn’t a good communicator. He took a job with a significant pay cut and he just did it and he said that money doesn’t matter, however now I have applied for a lower paid job he makes me feel bad that we’ll be without. His new job will cushion us a little financially.

He doesn’t really chat at all about things, we have a small talk after work but then after that we watch tv and I’m not allowed to talk. It’s really hard.

You recognise you’re a people pleaser so make this the time that you change it and please yourself.
Would you still be comfortable financially with this job? Could you earn more eventually? As you know, life is short, do what makes you happy.

If you're not allowed to talk, it's definitely time to bin him off. That's abuse.

"Not allowed" to talk because you're watching TV?! Bloody hell. Bin him off. He sounds totally checked out from the marriage.

He does say that if you want to do it go for it

what more do you want him to say/do?

What happens if you do talk?

What does he say when you point out that he changed jobs for a drop in income?