How would you deal with this lack of communication?

[NellyTheCake]

I'll say first that I am irritated by this but I'm not going to make a deal out of it. I just want to know what others would do.

I've been dating someone for about 7 months. We get on well in person but he is rubbish with texting. I worked this out early on and we agreed to chat on the phone when we could instead.
He's not the most chatty person so I end up driving the conversation. Which can be hard work sometimes but for 95% of the time, I'm happy with this.

I saw him last Wednesday evening and we discussed plans for the following week . We agreed to go out for the day on Sunday. And I said I couldn't see him on the following Wednesday evening because it was my friend's birthday and asked could we meet on Tuesday evening.
He agreed to this as he said he would be away for work from Wednesday until Friday.

Then on Sunday, as we were chatting, I made a comment about coming to his house on Tuesday evening. He looked at me slightly puzzled and said "no you're not. I'm away". Turns out his work wanted him to travel on Tuesday as well.

I'm not sure when he knew this change of plan but he hadn't mentioned it to me. He normally has a drink with a mate on Thursday evening but he said he wasn't able to do that at all this week because neither of them was free another evening.

However, we did agree to go out for dinner on this coming Saturday evening (tomorrow) and he said he would book a table.

I chatted to him on the phone on Wednesday evening before I went out to my friend's. He said he had a work dinner on Thursday evening so the next time we could talk would be this evening (Friday) and he would call me.
I didn't know what time he would be home this evening so I left it with him to let me know. At 7pm he sent a text saying he could chat now.

I was eating my dinner with my kids and also had to phone my mum after. So I sent a text saying I'd call around 8pm.
He replied that he was going out to see his mate (the one he usually sees on Thursday) so he'd see me tomorrow.

I've no problem with him going to his mate's. But if he'd told me I would've called him before dinner.

I asked where and when we were meeting tomorrow evening. He replied "come here and I'll cook something"

It feels like he has changed all this plans this week but not bothered to tell me. None of it is a major problem but it's irritating me. And he just doesn't seem to understand why.

I don't think he's interested in this relationship.

I would have to second that he is not as into you as you would like.
Not because of this week per say, more that you drive 95% of the conversation, and probably ring him far more than he rings you, you have changed communication style to suit him completely and that when you say you are annoyed he changed plans, rather than try to see your point of view he does not understand.
Do you ever wonder if you stopped doing all the work if you would hear from him?

This wouldn’t work for me

I don’t think he’s that bothered. You could try pulling back a bit to see whether he reacts by instigating more calls or taking the lead on arranging more dates, but I suspect that you already know the answer.

We talk on the phone nearly every evening. He doesn't have kids at home so he will text first to see if I can talk.

I prefer to chat rather than text. But sometimes I'll send him a text and, unless it asks a question, he'll read it but won't reply.

When we talk on the phone I leave silences so that he can think of something to talk about. Which he usually does.

Yes, I've changed my way of communicating to suit him better but it works for me. Most of the time.

This week it feels like he's just taken me for granted. That I'll be available to talk when he's free. That I won't mind not going out for dinner.

I haven't spoken to him about it because of his change of plan to go out this evening. I just sent a text saying he could've told me earlier then we could've had a chat. He just ignored that & said he would see me tomorrow.

I don't know whether to mention it or not when I see him. Or just file it away as something to watch out for in the future.

My posts make it sound like I'm arranging all the dates and making all the calls.
It's not like that. He always asks when he will see me again. He's the one that usually calls me.

He's more of a practical person than a social one. He's sorted out more things for me than my ex-h ever did.

But his communication skills are starting to irritate me. And I don't know how to deal with it.

The problem is you can't deal with it and if it's starting to irritate you now, imagine what it will be like in 10 year's time. It will be like a death by a thousand cuts. I know this from bitter experience.

He’ll keep doing this and it will continue to annoy you. He’s inconsiderate. This relationship doesn’t seem to have a future, sorry.

Probably going to be flamed for this, but why are you so rigid and planning so much? It can get tedious and exhausting. What if you don't speak one evening, or not see each other that particular weeknight? I feel like you are planning all your life around his availability. Why not just loosen up a little and be spontaneous?

That is what I was going to say....if it flows, it flows. If you like him and you say you have known what his communication style is from the start, why is this bothering you now? Sounds like you are no longer happy with his communication style which will cause issues but expecting him to change won't work.

Thanks for everyone's comments.
I'm as sure as I can be that he is fully committed to our relationship. I would say (and so would my friends) that he is more committed than I am.
I'm not sure why his communication or lack of it has rattled/irritated me more than usual this week. None of the changes really made any difference to me. I've been under a lot of stress recently so small changes to plans have had a bigger impact on me than they should.

We've talked and he apologised for changing plans at the last minute and not letting me know. We also talked about the fact that I'm the one who drives the conversation all the time and how these things annoy me, especially when I'm stressed.

As for planning & not being spontaneous, that's because I have kids at home & he doesn't. So I need to plan my week around them & other committments I have that are difficult to change at the last minute. Our dates depend on my availabilty, not his.
But I have taken on aboard the comment that I am being a bit too rigid with this.

I’m exhausted just reading your OP