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Original poster

Sex life

30 replies

Mumofaboy07 · 29/04/2022 18:49

I am in my 30s with a 4 year old and have fully lost my sex drive.

I work full time, come home and cook, wash and clean and am too tired for anything.

I wish I wasn't like this but I have no idea how to change. Is anyone else in the same position or coming out the other side and have any advice?

I have bought a book on sex and read articles on how to bring my sex life back but all the suggestions are inappropriate for a couple with a small child and no child care.

OP posts:
BigButtons · 02/05/2022 19:51

@Alcemeg 😂😂@marywhitehouse!
I do agree with you though. There are times, in our lives as women, when sex takes a bit of a back seat or needs a bit of nurturing.
the op’s husband is clearly not interested in her feelings though which is sad.

Paq · 02/05/2022 19:53

Are you actually well? I know life is busy but it's not normal to be tired all the time. Are you anaemic? Do you have sleep apnoea? Are you on any medication?

linerforlife · 02/05/2022 20:00

Are you on the pill OP? I ask because I was after my DD was born and I completely lost my libido. I came off it and some feelings of lust came back. I still have to work at reconnecting with those feelings sometimes but I think that's the general drudge of having kids, and then once we do cuddle etc I always enjoy it.

SqueakyZoe · 15/02/2023 14:58

OP, hoping you're feeling a bit better now but if you're still not feeling in the mood I have 2 suggestions to help.

  1. Focus on the other stuff that will make you feel sexy - romantic dining, dress-up, foreplay - all the stuff around sex but not the actual sex and maybe it will flow into that too.
  2. Try a sex toy. Clit vibrators or wands are great to stimulate and maybe it just might be nice to discover, on your own, privately, what gets you going and then you can either use the toy for foreplay to get you in the mood, or just as a tool to help rediscover how to get sexual pleasure again.
Hope that helps:)
Naunet · 15/02/2023 20:02

Eeksteek · 30/04/2022 00:02

A clinical psychologist once told me one reason women often struggle with parenting and sex is because they are often parenting their spouses as well (as in the man takes on more of a child role in the family than a parenting partner) and women are hardwired not to have sexual feelings about people they are parenting.

And if that isn’t a reason for men stepping up, I don’t know what is! I don’t think she even necessarily meant doing stuff, more in terms of taking the role proactively and responsibility, rather than be managed.

Yep, my amazing nan used to say “I can be his lover or his mother, but never both”.

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