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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Messaging frequency... How often do you and your bf message?

42 replies

Oopsiedaisyy · 29/04/2022 15:14

Stressed, and not sure if I'm being unreasonable.

Meeting up tonight, quick chat before 7 am this morning, he's not been online since or replied. Working all day. Would you worry?

Other times, do chat sometimes during day, sometimes not from afternoon to next morning... Would this annoy you?

How often is standard to chat?

OP posts:

Giveitall · 29/04/2022 16:31

Depends what’s going on in our lives. However we always FaceTime in the evening. We don’t live together, we are secure in our relationship, we get busy so FaceTime is enough for us.
Looking back, but we’re all different in our needs, I wouldn’t expect a working couple to text or contact too much during the day. Work is absorbing & we’re not paid to take time out to text.

Watchkeys · 29/04/2022 16:35

I wouldn’t expect a working couple to text or contact too much during the day

But many do.

wishitwasaduvetday · 29/04/2022 16:43

Me and my DH don't text each other while one of us it work. Also don't text if out with friends... if I'm out with the girls he won't message me and if he's out with the boys I won't message him. It's not a set in stone thing but why would we? We have lives, friends and jobs outside of each other. I don't alway phone him at least 3 times from the supermarket but mainly because it winds him up! 😆

wishitwasaduvetday · 29/04/2022 16:46

I fecking hate autocorrect... I DO phone from supermarket!

Why didn't MN do an edit button with the recent big upgrade?!!

Redruby2020 · 29/04/2022 16:55

TheRossatron · 29/04/2022 15:59

Fuck me if my boyfriend got annoyed that I didn't contact him for 8 hours I'd be 🏃‍♀️

Don't you think 8 hrs is a long time though? What I find makes things feel worse now, is with things like WhatsApp where you can see the last seen status, but they haven't read/replied to your text, or text you in general for a while, but been online clearly.

Original poster

Oopsiedaisyy · 29/04/2022 17:04

Redruby2020 · 29/04/2022 16:55

Show quote history

Yes, the "oh so you had time... Just not time for me" thing.

Then again, I don't like needy men who contact me too much....

OP posts:

TimBoothseyes · 29/04/2022 17:11

Before we lived together we'd have a phone conversation on the evenings we weren't seeing each other just to ask how the day was and other stuff, but message during a working day nope, still don't, unless it's urgent.

DatingDinosaur · 29/04/2022 17:45

It would annoy me if they were endlessly messaging throughout the day if it was just how’s your day chit-chat. I’m like, Jeez, just get on with your life or else we’ll have nothing to talk about later/when we next meet.

My phone lives in my bag most of the time unless I’m expecting An Important phone call or something. I check it when it suits me, but might not reply until after work when I’d have more time to actually have a conversation.

anewwayforward · 29/04/2022 17:50

We speak first thing then when he finishes. If he gets a quiet moment he'll send a text but apart from that he's working! And yes, he is flat out. During weekends it's more but still not constant if we are apart because we are busy people! Very happy and good relationship and communication is brilliant.

DramaAlpaca · 29/04/2022 17:50

I would hate to be constantly messaged throughout the day by my partner. I'd find it annoying, needy and controlling, and in fact it would probably be a deal breaker for me.

Fortunately my DH feels the same as I do. We only message during the day if it's really important.

Parky04 · 29/04/2022 18:02

Before mobile phones, we saw each other on say a Friday and then arranged another date. No contact in between! Certainly didn't call each other on the landline.

Fidgety31 · 29/04/2022 18:03

I think those who live with their partner will answer very differently to those who live separately.
i like regular messages and have always had that.

sammylady37 · 29/04/2022 19:16

DramaAlpaca · 29/04/2022 17:50

I would hate to be constantly messaged throughout the day by my partner. I'd find it annoying, needy and controlling, and in fact it would probably be a deal breaker for me.

Fortunately my DH feels the same as I do. We only message during the day if it's really important.

Absolutely, it would drive me insane.

Sunnytwobridges · 29/04/2022 20:36

I think it depends. I had a BF where he didn't like any contact while he was at work, just a good morning text and that's all. It didn't really bother me. We always once he was off work. On the other hand my ex and I were in contact a lot during working hours. I'm fine either way although I feel like most people have a few minutes at least during lunch to send a text or chat.

coldlocation · 29/04/2022 20:53

Both have own kids and jobs and live 25 miles apart. I never contact him first unless it's something practical or urgent - I decided when I met him that he has my no. And if he wants to communicate he will... If he doesn't he won't. Too old to be arsing with text nonsense and Hate that 'good morning/good night' expectation some folk have.

This week he was away working on the other side of the country and I've not seen him since last Sat. I spoke to him mon eve on a messenger call (he rang), had 3-4 texts on weds as he wanted me to proof read something, he sent me a video of something funny he'd seen which I didn't think required more than a 'like' emoji in return and he called me at 6.30 this eve. That's enough communication in my book. We can catch up when we see each other.

TheRossatron · 30/04/2022 07:31

Redruby2020 · 29/04/2022 16:55

Show quote history

Stravaig · 30/04/2022 17:11

I messaged him last night to tell him our hedgehog was back
Big love for this, and you 💐 @bloodywhitecat

Once in a blue moon I still send my guy a random thought by email and it's been 15 years since he died. (I get a mail-returned error ofc.)

When we first met, neither of us had mobiles, and only he had a landline. We used to leave each other notes with invitations, make an arrangement for a few days time and stick to it. Hard to imagine now! The world has changed so much in a couple of decades. I find the trend towards needing constant contact a bit weird and very overwhelming.

OP, there are no rules. Communicate in the way that feels right to you and him and works for the relationship.

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