I have no more to give

[Mim88]

I've been with my partner for 12 years and we've been married for 6 years. We have a beautiful 5 year old little girl. My husband has a very stressful job and I try to be accommodating, but nothing seems to be good enough for him, he always wants and needs more from me, he's always short tempered and by the time he has dealt with his work stuff, there is no tolerance left in the tank for me. I can't set a foot wrong without being made to feel like a complete fool. I'm
At the end of my tether and don't know what to do. There is no talking to him because it's always my fault. I work, look after the house and I'm there everyday to take and pick up my little girl from school, I keep myself fit and healthy, I just don't feel like I can do anymore.

How is he with other people; does he treat them better?. He making it out to be all your fault is one of the mindsets of an abuser; in their heads its always everyone else's fault but their own.

I would consider seeking legal advice re separation and divorce. Your DD cannot afford to grow up thinking that yes this is how men treat women in relationships.
You after all would not want this type of relationship for her.

He seems to have less tolerance for people in my family, he's stopped giving anyone any time when it comes to my Mum, Dad etc. Because he works for a tech company, anyone who appears "less intelligent" he no longer has time for. He doesn't see his family anymore and his Mum is in a home, he hardly calls her, sees her or talks about her. He never had the best relationship with her, but it just seems that he doesn't have the capacity to take anything on unless it benefits him directly.

What do you get out of this relationship now with him?.

Honestly I would cut my losses now re him before your DD becomes ever more affected by what is happening around her at home. Its not your fault nor hers that your H and her dad has decided to conduct his own private based war against you.

I've tried leaving twice in the past year and he just won't let me go. When he's nice, he's really nice and caring, he's a good Dad, but I just feel like when he's down, it's intolerable

I know this doesn't mean a lot, but the behaviour doesn't continue when my daughter is around, she's as happy as anything. I just feel like when he's in a bad place, everyone has to be there with him.

What you are describing is an abusive relationship in your last sentence.

He is NOT a good dad to his child if you are being treated like you are i.e. abusively. Women in poor relationships often write the "good dad" comment too when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

He is not going to let go of you easily as he likes the power and control he wields over you and in turn your DD. He also likes you at home cooking and cleaning up.

How did he persuade you into coming back?. Did he promise change?. Please do not fall for subsequent attempts. It can take several attempts to actually leave anyway so do not beat yourself up about that. Would you be willing to talk to Womens Aid?. They also have an online chat facility or you can go into Boots and ask for ANI (action needed immediately). The staff will direct you to a private booth where you can access domestic violence support services.

You have a choice re this man and your DD does not. She deserves better than to see you as her mum being so ill treated as you are.

He gives his daughter mixed messages by being "nice" when its just him and her but "nasty" when its the three of you together. His nice/nasty cycle of abuse too is a continuous one. It will do her no favours in you staying with such a man if you were to choose to do that.

What is in this for you? What does your partner think he brings to the table?

The thinking everyone is less intelligent is a red flag in itself.

The thinking everyone is less intelligent is a red flag in itself.

Indeed it is and I am also thinking he is actively trying here to cut you off from the support of your parents. Its deliberate on his part to do that.