Can we be friends?

[Livingfairytale]

I've fallen out with a friend. Several time recently. We've been friends for a very long time. Our kids are friends too. She never admits she is at fault and even when she 'apologises' she will always follow it up with a reason it was my fault too. We are currently no contact and to be totally honest she is unpredictable and the only thing you can predict is she is likely to keep getting cross about nothing then passing the blame. I know I should walk away forever. I miss her very much. I want to think her mental health has been the trigger and one day things might be ok. I have allowed her to treat me badly, and to manipulate me for a long time. I know I can never let her be such a close friend again, but I just miss her company. Do you think she will ever see that she has caused these issues? That she will ever genuinely apologize?

Madness is continuing to do the same things but expect a different result.

She won’t change OP. I understand how hard it is when you feel deeply attached but that isn’t rational and we can get attached to anyone and anything (see: Wilson the ball in Castaway. Sounds like the ball would be a better bet as a friend).

I do feel for you but it’s time to make space for a new, decent friend in you life.

Who’s decision was it to go NC?

Unlikely unless she has counselling. She may be blissfully unaware of her behaviour and see you as the problem. As another pp said get off the treadmill. Not your circus, nor your monkeys. Perhaps you need to find something to distract you from missing her.

My decision to go NC. After she did something particularly unkind and then blew up at me

Probably best to remain NC and let the friendship fizzle out then. It's a major personality trait in her that doesn't gel with you and will only continue to bug and irritate you if you remain friends.