Therapist says he's narcissist with possible personality disorder.

[Lostthewayxyz]

I've ended up in therapy after 18 months of domestic abuse. One of the ways he really hurt me was through his ex. I could never understand it. They had no kids. They split up 2 years beforehand. He had moved out and moved on. Although he admitted to a drink problem at the end of their 9 year relationship. They never spent time together and there was alot of jealousy between them in terms of trust and their phones. He was messaging another woman and ended up sleeping with her and promising her a new life. She was then ditched. The girlfriend was contacting this woman on and off for 6 months and asking her what had happened and saying her boyfriend was still sharing a bed with her and they were still together. I fell for his story of him just having a rebound after they split but over time his story changed from my ex was contacting her. To my ex never contacted her it was the other woman causing trouble.

A suicide attempt 18 months after they split caused his ex to continue being there for him. They started having a coffee at this house relationship never got back on track. When he started talking to me it was around 3 months after the suicide attempt. One of the first red flags was his ex's photos were still up in his living room. I asked him to take those down if you wanted me in his bed. He did take them down. The frame sat by the side of his cabinet for the rest of our relationship. Over our relationship he would let me know they were catching up via text. He would sometimes tell me that she was hinting at getting back together or asking him if he's still fancied her. Then he get defensive if I felt insecure. He accused me of being paranoid and insisted she was just a friend. He wouldn't take her photos down off Facebook and he never put any of me up. It felt like he was still with her and I was some sort of secret affair. But he was able to give me these massive speeches on why he would never go near her again. Over time I tried to relax and he stopped telling me when she got in touch. Stories about her stopped when I got to the point of ready to leave if he didn't shut up about her. He seemed to have changed and she seem to have gone off the radar. We started to get on better but my got a feeling was he still wasn't over here. Sometimes he would suggest I had my hair in certain ways and it would be how she had hers. Even with clothing and stuff. She was a career woman and I was a mother and he would defend women that didn't have children and say mother's put their lives on hold.

In-between all this he was abusing me in different ways such as financially and mentally. I was in a pattern with him and I've got to stop. I got very weak and anxious in the end. He began screaming at me and swearing at me and kicking me out. Lots of horrible things we said and his moods were becoming more and more unpredictable.

I realised he was lying about various of a women as well and stories we're just not adding up. He told me that his ex messaged him to tell him she had see me wearing his football top on Facebook. He went for a bath so I for the first time I went through his phone. I went into his WhatsApp and I'm blocked on their. The top name was his ex. I clicked on the conversation and just the night before he had been sending her memories of their relationship via a song and telling her it was crying about the memories.

This was about a month ago and we've split up two weeks ago. It was me that said I couldn't deal with him anymore I was too broken. His ex was cheated on and he financially abused her to. He's told me many unkind things about her and many bitter things about her. Yet there she is over 3 years after the split still communicating with him. I know I will probably never understand but if he is the narcissist that my therapist is telling me he is why does he have so many emotions around this ex-girlfriend? It feels like if you would be honest about how he felt he would say she's the love of my life I never wanted to lose her to my mistakes. I feel like he's been winding her up with me and winding me up with her. Yep she's always going to be there royal by his side because of all the history.

I will speak to my therapist more next week about this but I'm quite confused as everything I read about a narcissist they don't love anybody really. So if he adores this woman as much as he seems to to why did he ever bother with me?

Ultimately it doesn't matter why he's abusive. Quite possibly she is just now an idealized fantasy woman in his head and it's the fantasy he loves rather than the real person. What you need to do now is focus on yourself and what you need to get your head free of him.

No therapist is in a position to diagnose so if this is what they explicitly said then I would question why they are saying it. Or did they say he has narcissistic tendencies? Either way he lied to you. Ultimately that is what you need to focus on and try and move your life away from his.

My exh did similar. His ex wife cheated on him, he’d often wail and cry about how she ruined his life leaving and taking their kids ( aged 6 months and 18 months, no idea how she had the energy for an affair) She was every expletive under the sun, according to him.
FF to him and I married, her pregnant with another partner and calling my h with the details of every ante natal appointment. If I objected what a bitch I was and she was virtually a saint. The calls from her were constant, sometimes several times a day., but in his eyes she could do no wrong.
It’s all part of their abusive personality —- they’re the ones with the warped personalities, the warped values but they turn it round onto us.
You’ve walked away, don’t look back, he’s really not worth your thoughts.
I suffered years of emotional, verbal and financial abuse. It turned physical in that he threatened to rape and kill me, which was when I left. I got a good job, started my own business as a sideline and it flourished. Made a lot of money, travelled, was mortgage free within 10 years of ditching him.
Keep talking to your therapist, you’re doing everything right. You’ll get stronger and stronger.

Wow. So much drama. He's abusive. Work on staying away from him, and on improving your internal boundaries so that, even though you've split with him, you're not still reliving in detail how he's upset you. It doesn't matter why he does what he does: that's about him. Your life isn't about him. Your life is about you. Focus on you.

Your therapist can't diagnose him without even speaking to him. Do they even have the qualifications to make such a diagnosis? But what does it matter? He was an unsavoury character that you've now kicked out of your life. Work on your own thoughts and behaviours which you can control and stop dwelling on those of other people which you can't.

You’re focussed on the wrong thing. You need to be focussing on why despite all the drama you chose to stay with him. This will hopefully give you enough insight not to take him back and hopefully avoid a similar arsehole in the future.

Hello and thank you. No I understand and I've actually come along way this last week. The first week was extremely hard and lots of tears. Everyday I wake up and realise new things. I have alot of dreams still and sometimes I wake up just gutted it's come to this. I spent an awful lot of time over his house and it's been a huge change to my routine and it's been a strange feeling.

I'm going out with friends and family and even taking my kids out and about more. So I'm focusing really hard on myself. I try to keep busy because it's when I stop my thoughts enter my head.

I know she said she's worked in therapy for over ,30 years and she said I'm describing a narc pattern and also some signs of personality disorders. He does all the typical stuff and has also lost all his family and friends. He has no social life and has wreckless behaviour and trouble with money. He plays mind games. Tells lies. Creates dramas. He had a bad childhood with his dad but loved his mum.

I have watched videos on narcissists this week and he does seem to tick the boxes.

He is extremely strange and I was trapped in a web..he slowly released his real self but was always needing me for something. He lent on me alot. I'm just so confused why he does this game with the ex. Why can't they just be together if they can't let go.

Narcissist thinks only of themselves and cares about only themselves, but wants everyone else's attention. They need the attention and to be at the centre of it because they don't even love themselves! That's my take on it. Very damaged and damaging people. Sorry you got caught up with one.

The best way of dealing with this is to realise you don't need to understand the behaviour of this man or anyone else. You need to learn how to have strong boundaries and recognise signs of a bad person who isn't treating you well, because that's how you protect yourself, by learning when to run away. You don't protect yourself by making it your life's mission to understand messed up people and their behaviour, that's how you get sucked into giving them the benefit of the doubt. Toxic people don't deserve your head space.