So ground down

[Feelindown]

I have been with my husband for over 30 years. Both in our 50s. He has a lot of health problems, some self inflicted due to what I can only see as laziness. He walks probably about 3000 steps a day. Eats badly. Has heart issues and type 2 diabetes. Doesn't listen to me trying to help him. I am close to giving up.

Tonight he came home, and made himself something to eat. He works late sometimes and I eat before him. I watched him shovel food down and then open the dishwasher and shove his dirty dishes in without checking that the dishwasher was full or empty. It was full of clean stuff. I pointed it out to him and he laughed. I just lost it. I do 90% of the housework but I have tonight reached my limit of clearing up after him. He begrudgingly emptied the dishwasher. He couldn't get that I am fed up being taken for granted, that his lack of care for himself and for our home has finally ground me down.

I have had it. I have a husband who can't be arsed to look after himself. And who can't be arsed to clean or clear up on a day to day basis. It's as if a switch has flicked in my head and I don't want to be near him ever again. I don't know what to do.

It sounds like you've had enough, so there's only one thing you can do.
Split up. He's clearly not going to change.
The dishwasher thing is the last straw.

My only advice is if you want to leave do it whilst your still relatively young as it will get harder the older you get.

Can you give him an ultimatum? Shape up with regard to his health and his laziness or the marriage is over. And mean it or you face the future as his carer. Good luck

Do you have dependant DC? Do you need to stay with your DH?

It’s called “the straw that broke the camels back.”
I hesitate to recommend anyone leaving a long term marriage or partnership but ….
Start getting your ducks and finances in a row.
Go about it quietly & possibly see a solicitor for 30 mins free consultation. Lots of practices do this so ring around a few.
When you’ve researched your next step, quietly leave. Leave a note on the kitchen table and go! Revenge is sweet!
He sounds disrespectful & a bit of a pig. I dare say he will expect you to nurse him when he gets really sick later in life. .
Go now while the going’s good!

It's as if a switch has flicked in my head and I don't want to be near him ever again

If you don't respect your own feelings, they just shout louder and louder. You've got to the point where you can't hear anything else; you can't hear the bit of you that usually finds a way to tell you you're being sill or over reacting or that gives him an excuse.

Start listening now. You don't want to be near him? Don't be near him. Respect that you've reached your limit, and this is the end of the line.

Wait. See how you feel next week or by the end of the month.

Do all the things you would need to do if you were leaving. Get your docs, check your accounts, get an idea of the value of your home, where you'd go etc.

Then when you've got all the information see how you feel and make a decision.

In the meantime, detach. Just observe. Run a documentary film in your head called this is why she might leave him and see how that stacks up.

By giving it a little bit longer you'll be surer in your decision.

you have 30 years together. The LTB advice is so flippant on here. Show him this message you wrote here or say it to him. There is a reason you have had 30 years together, u can find that again with him acknowledging your state of mind. Why are his good points?