Telling the kids about separation

[Mumof3confused]

We are about to tell the kids (aged 7-12) that we are separating and I am dreading it. If you’ve had to go through it, what did you say? And how did it go? Anything you’d have done differently? Anything that worked particularly well?

My Dad had two divorces, and I was sat down twice to be told this. When I was 6 I was so relieved because I knew they were unhappy and I was so grateful they would stop shouting at each other all the time. My home was hell. Just make sure you let them know it's not there fault. When it happened again at 19 I was more concerned for my little brother and sister. Because my Step mum just made this plan and left us. I knew that time round my dad was the problem. However the biggest thing I'd say is don't do the whole, you'll have two homes, two rooms and two Christmas etc as no one really wants that! Unless they bring it up. Just please make sure they know it's not there fault and you love them. And that you'll both always love them the same and you want to be happy and this is how you'll both be happy. Xx

Thank you that’s great advice. And I’m sorry you had to go through it twice.

We separated when our kids were 7-15 (five of them) we made it clear it was no one's fault and in our case they all stayed living with me in the same home. Five years on we're divorced now and the youngest three stay with him a couple of nights a week, sometimes on their own or two at a time, they see him most days, we're amicable and I say nice things about their dad. He's a good bloke. He has a new partner that they really like. They have all been fine. Telling them I have cancer a few months ago (which I did with the support of their dad) was much more difficult.