Is this disrespectful?

[Whatsthatspookynoise]

In your honest opinion.

To be talking to a group of people online. You fancy one of them so ask your girlfriend to be polyamorous.

Girlfriend isn't happy with the idea of that so you tell her she's pretty much holding you back on being your true self.

You go on a trip with the people from the group chat (share a bed with the one you fancy), then have a deep conversation with the one you fancy, talking about how you have strong feelings for each other and also not drinking alcohol as you might not be able to control what you do.

But thinking it's okay because you eventually told your girlfriend when she asked what happened a few days later.

I'm just curious

Seriously I would tell you to fuck off.as far as you could fuck off, then fuck off a bit more

What??
Your partner has told you he wants to have sex with another woman, slept in a bed with her, discussed how much they like one another - and you're asking if it's ok?
Dump this loser and get some self worth!

Polyamorous = permission to shag around.
Whatevs.

Run, run fast and don’t stop. Your self worth will be eroded if you stay with this poor excuse of a partner

They clearly had sex, and admitted the minimum amount that could potentially be found out. I would have chucked someone for asking if I would agree to them shagging someone else tbh.

She or he is being disrespectful, hurtful and a massive arsehole, yes.

Disrespectful??
It's straight up cheating!!

Ditch the pretentious scumbag!

Chuck him, he’s cheating

If one person having what they need is restricted by the other person's needs, then the two need not to be together, rather than one of them telling the other that they're wrong. Telling a person that they're restricting you is a way of trying to change them or minimise how they feel, and is disrespectful.

Its very disrespectful and you should not be together as you obviously have different values.

I can't actually tell if you are the girlfriend or the arsehole who is being disrespectful to the girlfriend. Either way, split up.

Sounds like the best thing would be to dump your boyfriend so he's free to pursue his 'true polyamorous self' and you're free to pursue someone who respects you.

Whatever works for you, but this clearly isn't.

If both parties agree on something then there is no issue. Looks like his ideas aren't compatible with yours.

Thanks everyone. I am actually the friend of the person this happened to. I was trying to explain how disgusting this behaviour is, but needed some backup. But as the person asking to be poly is a trans woman and so is the person they professed their feelings for, my friend is more lenient towards the situation as the (now ex) girlfriend is "discovering herself as a woman". They have now broken up, but want to remain close friends. I don't see how you can be friends with someone that has done this to you, but it's her choice.

Hahaha I love this.

Yeah, that's what I tried to explain to my friend. She's very open minded. The person doing all this had no interest in being poly until they developed feelings for someone else. It's a joke!

Exactly this.

Gender Woo means never having to say you're sorry.

It's cheating.

A polyamorous/ 'ethically non monogamous'/ whatevs relationship is only that if both parties agree.

The partner was proposing this in order to fool around with someone else. GF said 'no'. That was the time the partner had the decision to say 'ok, well, let's remain faithful to each other', or 'sorry but fooling about with the other person is more important than remaining faithful to you. I'm out'. Or words to that effect. Both honest.

What they did was not honest, they went behind GF's back and messed around with the other person.

Discovering themselves as a trans woman is a total red herring. They're a cheat. Changing gender does not absolve someone from caring about their partner's feelings or render them sexually/ emotionally incontinent.

Tell your friend to look at the behaviour and how it makes her feel, not the excuses. If the partner cannot manage a monogamous relationship, as your friend wants, then your friend has to stick to her boundaries and let them go otherwise there will be more of this. This can be done in a reasonably amicable way now, but if she tolerates more of these little dalliances then it will cause more resentment or grinding down of her happiness and confidence, feeling she is not enough.

A polyamorous relationship without bilateral permission is cheating.

FFS, that was worse than disrespect, that was cowardly cheating. When the girlfriend said no to polyamory, the other person should have either stayed monogamous or ended the relationship then and there. You don’t sneak off to another persons bed and then act all victimised when your girlfriend then breaks up with you.

Regardless of gender, its twat behaviour. No get out of being respectful card just because you are trans or gender fluid.

You don’t get to retrospectively ask for permission after you’ve cheated.