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34 & Single..

12 replies

cls52 · 26/04/2022 22:43

Is there hope to meet the right one & have children?

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 26/04/2022 23:48

I was single in my early 30s thinking I might’ve ‘missed my chance’. Met someone when I was 34, married at 36, now have two young children and couldn’t be happier.

interest12 · 27/04/2022 11:56

Um yeah, it’s not at all unusual. Most of my friends’ that are in long term relationships started in their 30s

Seapoint2002 · 27/04/2022 14:43

You have plenty of time but you do need to be ruthless at finding the right person. Don't hang on to relationships that aren't going anywhere. Also consider paid for online dating so that you can cut through the less suitable people quickly by seeing if they want children, have similar life/career ambitions etc. without having to wait to find the right time to ask them in a real life date.

user3199 · 27/04/2022 14:56

There is hope! I met my partner just before my 36th birthday, he was a few months older than me. We had a child when I was 40.

Before that I was in a 2 year relationship from 33-35 that ended unexpectedly. I was devastated and thought that meant I'd post the chance to have a child. With hindsight I still had plenty of time.

All I would say is take opportunities to meet new people (it is a cliche that I met my partner when I definitely wasn't looking) and don't waste time with partners who don't want the same things long term as you. I definitely did that too much when I was younger.

Peachtoiletpaper · 27/04/2022 17:39

I'm 35 so in the same boat. I'm not a success story (yet, hopefully) but I have been dating and looking for about 4 years now with several short relationships of up to a year that in hindsight I should've mostly cut my losses on earlier. A couple of my mistakes:

I would say be focussed on meeting someone who wants the same things and is available. Don't hang in there (at least not exclusively) just because you like their company if they don't want those things or they're umming and aahing about kids.

I met a couple of definite 'possibles' on a paid dating site compared to endless 'no thankyous' on Bumble so would say that might have a better hit rate.

Don't let logistics be the stumbling block. Another mistake I have made. Set a travel time limit and stick to it.

It definitely happens though, my mum met my dad and had us in her mid to late 30s on a night out after a divorce that left her thinking she had missed her chance! A good friend recently met her fiance at 38 and had a baby at 40.

Peachtoiletpaper · 27/04/2022 17:44

Oh and if someone seems great but is always too busy then don't take it personally but don't waste time on them. I found a lot of men early-mid 30s who were great and seemed keen but I seemed to be just meeting them at the wrong time in their careers, and they'd always prioritised work and studies. If someone seems to like the idea of settling down with a girlfriend leading to family etc, but is simply preoccupied then leave them to it.

Marty13 · 27/04/2022 17:48

You certainly still can.

Also meeting someone and having children are two separate things. I had children through sperm donation. I could still meet someone (I have the rest of my life to meet someone) but actually not that keen, I feel happy and complete with my children.

lolstevelol · 27/04/2022 18:36

Just make sure you are open in dating and not just go for the much worshipped and idolised white guys and you should be alright.

Pinkbonbon · 27/04/2022 20:02

Let's be honest, the right man at 34 is unlikely to still be the right man at 54. Loves come and go. Because people grow and change and the person you marry at this age might not be even remotely recognisable in even 10 years time. And - you'll change too.

You need to establish if you actually want kids. Sounds like an odd thing to say but unfortunately many of us are brainwashed into assuming it's what we are meant to do with our lives. But if we sat down and really thought through the implications for our bodies and our relationship future and future in general, we might not actually choose it.

There's no such thing as happily ever after because happiness is not a permanent state. Having kids is certainly not the end of the story and often, it can lead to much unhappiness if not under suitable circumstances or if we realise to late that actually, it wasn't for us.

Men will come and go. You need to decide if a. You want kids but only if you are in a longterm committed relationship with the father and life is stable and secure. If so, the children ate irrelevant until this is the case so, why beat yourself up wondering if they will ever happen.

Or b, if children are Definitely something something want, irregardless of a partner. In which case you may be wise to look into it alone. This however, will have implications for your future romantic relationships.

Personally, I would advise living for the life you have. I would choose another path I life and assume children are not going to be a part of it. And then, if they are, great. I think living with an obsession for a non existent being is quite frankly, odd tbh. But if you really cannot see your life without kids, then take the relevant steps. Just know that one thing may come at the expense of another.

Zelda93 · 27/04/2022 20:31

Yes met my husband at 36 and had our dd at 43.. we would of had children earlier but I had a couple of miscarriages due to my fertility issues .. but never thought I'd have a child so don't care I'm a geriatric mum Smile

anthurium · 27/04/2022 23:07

Solo mother by choice and also had my son via sperm donation like @Marty13

Spent Wasted a few years on OLD from ages of 36-38/39, didn't enjoy the process of 'trying to find someone to procreate with' because essentially that's what I was doing. I felt anxious and demoralised of having to repeat the cycle of dating over and over. I definitely felt pressure to escalate a relationship quickly so as not too waste time and get to my end goal which was having a child. I did date two great guys but bad circumstances and timing meant neither progressed.

Now that my son is here, and I was fortunate to conceive on my first IVF round and no issues during pregnancy or birth, I couldn't care less whether I have a relationship ever again. Strange that as only in 2021 I thought my life would be "meaningless" without a partner 😐...

You can meet a partner at any point in your life and marry but fertility is finite...nobody can tell you for certain that you will get either or both of these elements..

@cls52 Would you consider going at it alone if you didn't meet someone suitable by a certain birthday?

timestheyarechanging · 28/04/2022 04:05

Of course there is!
When I was young and newly married I had (have) a friend who was same age, 34 and single. The other three of us were married with young children. She got drunk one night with the other three of us and cried about her situation. It was sad.
Roll on 10 years, all three of us are divorced and she is in an amazingly happy relationship with two small children. She met him at 35 and they married and had first child within two years.

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