I'm absolutely consumed with worry and loneliness because I'm single... normal or should I speak to GP?

[scabbyqueen]

I'm 29. I am very lucky because I'm healthy, I love my job, I have good friends, I have a lovely home, and no big stresses in life. In some ways I'm more confident than I ever thought I could be.

but.
I've never had a boyfriend. When I say 'no one's ever been interested,' people laugh at me, but honestly... no one's ever been interested. I've been using the apps (paid and free) since I was 25 and only made a second date once.

I am so lonely. It is consuming me. I try to keep busy and go to the gym, volunteer once a week, see friends, but I come home every night to no one to talk to. I am desperate for a cuddle. It actually hurts, physically, in my tummy.

I feel like time is moving underneath me. I long for a family and my mum keeps saying things like 'wouldn't I be a great nana?' but wtf do I say to that? I feel like life is stretching on ahead of me with no respite from this and it's killing me.

I went to therapy and the therapist made me feel so stupid, like I am choosing to feel lonely. She kept saying that I can find in myself what I am looking for in others and I must not rely on a man to improve my self esteem, but I just don't think that that's true.

I think sometimes about going to the GP but if they're only going to say the same as the therapist then there's no point.

Totally get how lonely it can be and frustrating as you are doing all the right things. Do you live somewhere where there are lots of young people around? Do you have any friends you can go out with who can wing woman you or introduce you to men they know? Do you have any weddings coming up where there may be singles? What about work - no one there? Also your friends' male partners - can none of them set you up or give you any feedback?

I don't think a GP could help, another therapist might as the last one didn't seem to. But your challenges seem more about dating rather than something else. Your friend said there was nothing wrong on your date and so I think it's just a case of bad luck. I do wonder if maybe your life is so female focused - work, friends, hobbies that you may struggle to flirt or interact in a relaxed way with men. Maybe the next time you go on a date, just ask them out yourself for a second - in case you come across disinterested. It might be an idea to just take on some hobbies that do include men - because you might not have much in common with your dates otherwise.

I know a few people, men and women both, who didn't date anyone till they were 30-31 and then met the person they ended up marrying. So it can just take longer for some people.

Even if your GP's single and eligible, he won't be allowed to date a patient.

Sorry, couldn't resist. Have you considered trying a hobby/activity that would attract more male participants? Some years ago I tried a photography workshop, and was surrounded by chaps dying to show off their skills to a woman...

I can totally resonate with what you're saying as I was exactly the same for many years.

What made a difference was a friend who was online dating at the same time was into dating books and courses and podcasts.

I listened to some and read some and realised I could absolutely not flirt to save my life.

So I started practicing and it made such a massive difference.

Have you thought about that side of things much?

Matthew Hussey is the main one I think. I don't 100% recommend him/it, as can feel quite negative- but it's a good starting point and made a huge difference to me.

Also might sound stupid- but I'm quite interested in feng shui, and there's a lot about sorting out your bedroom and house for love. Just to put you in the right mindset.