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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to be haunted anymore

1 reply

noodlespoodle · 25/04/2022 21:26

I want to move on properly, I've suffered and tortured myself enough.
I was single a long time, 6 years. Met someone online with past connections and had a 1 year relationship just after the first lockdown. It was quite intense because of lockdown. More time, wfh, daily video calls and bubbled up.
I thought I was in love, or could get there, until it changed. Little put downs, triangulation, controlling behaviour. This went on for months and seemed to turn into a power struggle where I felt utterly trapped. I ended it. He then did the ultimate which would hurt me. Within a matter of weeks, he slept with someone else and made sure he told me about it.
If he had left it, the breakup would have been peaceful, I was moving forward. He however wanted to ultimate control and last word. Not sure why, however it did trigger a reaction and we briefly got back together.

So, easily done, I checked his Facebook and worked out there was a crossover. He is now in a relationship with this woman who proceeded to in a round about way make sure she knew she was onto me, with ambitious public posts, clearly directed at myself and making out I'm a crazy ex.
If only she knew. I just want to move on. Maybe she knows he cheated on her and is fighting for her man. I'm just dumbfounded how he has got away with it and is onto the next in line, as otherwise she looks/seems to be a nice lady.

OP posts:
SpaceFarce · 25/04/2022 22:32

Stop giving this headspace. Block him and her on everything and stop checking their social media. Take a hiatus form social media yourself for a short while, and dive into a new skill or something - swimming, a couch-to-5k, cross stitch, whatever.

Stop trying to find reasons. He did it because he’s a dick. She did it because she wanted to. Stop feeding the fire of speculation and it will die out. I’m not saying it’ll be easy and I hope you don’t think I’m being too harsh.

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