Mum has cancer and is 'speaking her mind'

[Startagain51]

I'm so emotionally confused. My Mum has cancer, currently having treatment to buy her some time. Obviously, it's really hard.

It's been a tough few years and my parents have been really supportive - I left my emotionally abusive, controlling husband after 17 years and am finally divorced. He has made everything as difficult as possible.

I have been cautiously dating a nice, kind man. He has had some health problems recently and hasn't had an easy time.

My mum tonight suddenly started talking about how I'm dating 'another loser' and why can't I date someone successful. I'm really wounded, given that I just feel like I'm recovering from an abusive relationship. I've managed to start again in my own place, start retraining, and sorted my own divorce without legal help. I don't live with the man I'm dating (and have no plans to) and he has been tremendously supportive during a very difficult time. He's not financially successful and his ill-health has compounded that, but I just can't believe my mum is making this judgement. She is justifying it by saying she can now just speak her mind as she hasn't 'got long left'.

Any advice?

Ok, so sorry, just read your update.

he sounds like a good person.

for my mum’s peace of mind, I would smile, agree and appreciate each moment with her.

💐

I've wasted time with stupid choices of partner and wished my friends had told me. I know I wouldn't have liked it but it might have been helpful.

Our past is what increases our chances of falling prey to abusers

im guessing your upbringing will have a huge part to play.

my own parents and sister were awful when I was trying to get out of the abusive relationship, and actively put the boot into my escape/recovery.

smile and wave with your mother when she’s being forceful in her opinions

it could be the cancer, it could be a mask slipping.

just refuse to discuss him. Change the subject

for me/my “family” it was the fact that I was happier/in a healthy relationship that seemed to irk them somehow. Turns out that it suits them for me to have the worst relationship in the family and by getting out of it, THEIR relationships were the worst.

family DOESN’T always want the best for us.