Am I being unreasonable?

[Gemini34]

Hello,

I’m new here and I need some advice please. Apologies for the long post.

A little about me, I am 34 (35 in July) and have a 13 year old daughter. I have a partner of 1 and half years.

I have been very broody for the last few years. When I started dating my partner, I made it very clear in the beginning that I do want another child and I want to have one by the time I’m 36 (various reasons for this timeframe as I am getting older, it’s more difficult to be an older parent, difficult to get pregnant, etc I also have a career too that I enjoy so various reasonable reasons) and I told him that this is something I am not willing to compromise on as I know what I want, so I said if this isn’t something he wants, to tell me now before we go any further. He was fine with this and we carried on dating and now in a relationship.

I have now got to the point that all I can think about is having a baby, it’s literally keeping me up at night. I am an over thinker so I literally think of every scenario, good and bad, what we need to do, how to prepare, dreaming of having a baby in our lives. So this means we need to start trying now really as It will take a while to get pregnant (coming off the pill, my age has a factor) thinking a minimum of 3 months (probably being hopeful) then 9 months pregnancy so this will take us to around the 36 years old mark. I have spoken to him about this and he has said he isn’t ready, he isn’t broody yet and too much has gone on the last few months (in general life) I have tried to explain there will hardly ever be a perfect time to start trying and that we are looking at a minimum of 12 months anyway.

I can’t help but be angry with him. Of course I want him to be ready and not forced into anything. He is 32 next month and I feel if he’s not ready now then will he ever be. He knew how I felt when we started dating so am I being unreasonable for being angry?

You can feel however you feel. And don’t try to push it away, strong feelings pass more easily when we allow ourselves to have them.

That said, it doesn’t mean your partner is wrong. Men in general are clueless about the reality of body clocks which is no excuse but I’m not sure what you can do here other than end it with him and find someone who is capable of commitment (not easy, I know) or try to work through things with him. Sounds like a deal breaker for you and that he has selfishly wasted your time and has misled you which is pretty awful.

He probably thinks he’s got 2 years ‘left’ and hasn’t really starting thinking about it yet. It’s really hard to know when he will be ‘broody’ but I’d be concerned that he is a ‘flat no’ at this point given your mindset, you’re just not at the same place at all.

I’ve been where you are and it’s so hard. Ultimately I had to walk away aged 33. (I now have a gorgeous family).