How to be sure

[Anna197264]

If your DH is having an affair.
I've had a letter telling me he is. I've just got it & I don't know what to do. I want to confront him but don't know if I should try to find out more first. I don't know how to do that though. All I have is the ladies name.
Apparently my DH is going to be named in the divorce when her husband files.
Constructive comments plse. I think I'm a bit in shock x

Btw, sorry if I don't reply much. Am at work & got kids to sort out.
I think I need to bide my time. Atm I don't want to do anything.

Based on what you know of your husband, does this sound believable? What does your gut say?

He hasn't been acting differently. Apparently it's been taking place at work but he always responds to texts etc so I just don't know
He has been messaging one person from work a bit which I did comment on a while ago but he leaves his phone around etc. Not working any extra hours or anything.
We have a decent family life. We aren't overly romantic and we annoy each other sometimes but I thought we were solid.
I just don't know

@Anna197264 its a bit hard for 2 people to have a full blown affair at work only? Does the letter give you their name or is it literally just outing your DH and not themselves.

It gives the ladies name. But I agree would be hard in his work environment to get away with it.
It also says they are going abroad next week which I know isn't happening.
I think it's the naming him in the divorce bit that gets me.

I think you need to tread very carefully op. If you accuse or snoop on your DH because some random has written a note then you're on a slippery slope if he finds out. Trust gone.

I think being mentioned in a divorce is a red herring. Infidelitely is very difficult to prove and hardly worth the hassle and angst if the woman is divorcing him.

Yeah I think you need to bide your time a little.

Have you look the women up ? Spoken to whoever sent the letter?

I've done a quick fb look but can't see her. I have no idea who she is.
If it's not true what type of person would send a letter like that? But I can't see it being true. I'm so confused. I don't know if I should just show it him

I don't have details of the letter sender. Presume it's her husband but it came via Royal Mail

I wouldn't show it to him yet OP and I know how hard it will be not to say anything but keep your eyes and ears open for a few days.

Check bank accounts, receipts in pockets, phone records etc.

Have you googled her name ? Looked on the works website (if they have one?).

This must all be such a shock

Why is it the case that you can't ask him and trust that he'll give an honest answer?

Why can't you just photo copy the letter and then show him it? His reaction will tell you a lot. I couldn't sit on something like that or even imagine him doing something like that. Someone might be shit stirring or have the wrong wife.

I would bide my time & see if there's an emergency work trip he needs to go on in the next week or 2

Id have open and honest communication and wouldnt think twice about copying the letter (in case you need it ) and coming straight out and showing it to him. I think you will know by his reaction whether there is anything going on
Sorry this is happening to you x

I showed him the letter last night. His reaction tells me it's not true & my gut tells me it's not true.
That's not the end of the story but it's basically someone's husband stirring up trouble & I am not the one to have had this letter. It seems that at least one other wife within the company my DH works for have also received something similar. It's being handled by official work channels now. Thanks for all the replies. I sort of knew it was a lie as his routine has been normal & hes never out on his own if he's not at work. He's always with me or the kids I was just shaken when i got it & didn't know where to turn x

Glad it's sorted OP.