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Original poster

Sleeping in separate rooms

26 replies

Ap1980 · 25/04/2022 14:36

We’ve recently moved house, to a bigger one with more space, bigger and an extra bedroom.

Few very early work starts recently, so we decided to sleep in separate rooms during that time. Now work pattern is back to normal, we’ve discussed it and think it’s actually better for us, so going to continue it going forward.

Anyone else found this better? Any issues?

OP posts:
cockapoopoo · 25/04/2022 14:47

Not done this, I think a lot of people would advise against it but I've always thought it would be brilliant to have separate bedrooms as a couple. None of my relationships have gone for it though unfortunately.

If it works and you are both happy then why not? It could make it more fun too so you go round to each other's rooms when you feel like it.

tuliplover · 25/04/2022 14:50

I know a couple friends who keep separate bedrooms, one even has a separate hotel room when they travel. Works a treat.

2KidsNoTime · 25/04/2022 15:19

We sleep separately pretty regularly tbh, particularly in hotter months. We randomly come back and sleep in our bed together for a few months and then when one of us had sleeping issues we head to spare room and often find we're sleeping loads better when apart so we keep that up for a while until one of us decides to move back to our room, and the cycle continues!

It hasn't been the death of our marriage that people said it might be! We still have cuddles and if we want to be ahem intimate, we can be. We just then sleep apart. We might cuddle in the main bedroom to watch TV or chill in bed, but when we want to settle down for sleep one of us usually heads to the spare room!

Snog · 25/04/2022 15:26

We have our own bedrooms. It's great.
If you have enough bedrooms to allow this then it's the way to go.

Benefits for me include sleeping better, not disturbing each other by going to bed at different times or waking up in the night, having more space in bed so more comfortable. Can have bedroom at temperature you prefer and also the amount and type of covers you prefer. Also you can decorate however you like in your own room which I think is nice.

My parents had separate rooms so it seems normal to me. DHs parents don't so I think he thinks other people will judge about it.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 25/04/2022 15:35

We sleep separately and I'd never go back to sharing again. My DP snores and also comes to bed a lot later than me and is a heavier sleeper. I'd end up being woken and then kept awake all night which was impacting on my daily life quite a bit and affecting our relationship.

Separate rooms has been an absolute godsend and our relationship has definitely improved!

Alarchbach · 25/04/2022 16:03

My husband and I have been in separate beds since we got together. We both snore and I hate sharing a bed.
works perfectly well for us and we have a fab relationship.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 25/04/2022 16:06

Separate rooms, separate hotel rooms for us too! Being able to sleep makes for a less fractious relationship.

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 25/04/2022 16:07

We do. LOVE IT!! People are weirdly judgmental though so I’m careful who I tell

fallfallfall · 25/04/2022 16:14

some really amazing house plans on line for homes with two master bedrooms.

Original poster
Ap1980 · 25/04/2022 17:13

Good to read these posts to be honest. Seemingly more good points than bad ones so far from the replies, but I can imagine there are judgemental people about who would disapprove as others have said.

As for intimacy, can see that being to much of an issue, considering we are sexless for a while now

OP posts:
HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 25/04/2022 22:45

I would really like this, OH doesn't like the idea. Jealous!

Chesneyhawkes1 · 25/04/2022 22:53

We do! It started out when I was having cancer treatment as I was up and down all night, couldn't sleep and my big dog was insistent on not leaving my side - so stole DH's spot.

Then we just carried it on. DH snores. We both work shifts, so sometimes I'm up at 3am and he's not up till 7am etc.

Works great. We do sometimes still share and I sleep awful when he's in there too 🤦‍♀️

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 25/04/2022 22:57

We sleep in separate rooms. Relationship better than ever. In fact we got married last year after 19 years together. We both get a good nights sleep and don't hate each other in the morning Smile

We have loads of sex too. It hasn't affected that.

OverByYer · 25/04/2022 22:57

We mainly sleep separately as DH snores and I’m a light sleeper.
we’ve just had a few nights away and I’m shattered after having to sleep with him.

Feministwoman · 26/04/2022 02:51

We sleep in separate rooms. For impeccable reasons, snoring, different wants over bedding, room temp, etc.
I hate it. I really, really regret moving into the other room.
Originally it was because I had horrific C PTSD night terrors and also peri menopausal sweats and disturbed sleep stuff.

It was meant to be very temporary Then it just sort of continued.
It's lovely in some ways,, I've made it a room for me, with furnishings I like.
But only because I'm forced to make the best of my circumstances.
But, I don't want to be here, I want to be in bed next to DH. I miss the cosy sleepy chats next to each other. I miss the casual opportunity for sex, just because we are close. I miss the cuddles and chats and sleepy sex.
Even though my room is lovely, I hate this

Feministwoman · 26/04/2022 03:06

Except, he also snored, for reasons he'd been told how to fix.
His snoring every night for decades, and I had to just put up with it
It was only when we moved to a larger house, with more bedrooms, that not sharing a bed became an
option

Libertybear80 · 26/04/2022 03:43

My husband has insomnia. Separate rooms are the only way for us. Plus when I hit the menopause I was getting too hot. He was too cold. It was a nightmare. Now I sleep and he sleeps better.

Original poster
Ap1980 · 04/05/2022 11:13

The idea of decorating our own rooms is something we hadn’t even thought about. Don’t actually know how thinking about it lol

well we’ve spoke about the separate rooms again and decided we are going to keep to it, our relationship is probably not everyone’s cup of tea but it works really well for us

OP posts:
ItWasTheBestOfTimes · 04/05/2022 11:25

We also sleep in separate rooms. It started when DP moved to the spare room when we had our eldest DD so he wasn't disturbed during night feeds. I love it whereas DP doesn't mind either way. We do have less sex than before but it has more to do with us both being tired with work and 2 young DC I think.

thestraitofillinois · 04/05/2022 11:34

No keeping one another awake from snoring. No issues with different body temperatures and stolen duvets. You can starfish when you wake up. You can slip into one another's bed in the morning for a cuddle. The early riser can get up and start their day without waking the other. The late reader can read without keeping the other awake. Separate rooms makes it easier to have 'date' nights. There aren't any drawbacks other than navigating the occasional judgement which catches you by surprise sometimes. If people want to assume separate rooms means a dead marriage, that's up to them.

658Doyouknowwheremysparkis · 04/05/2022 11:52

We have separate rooms, DH snores and I steal duvets, plus DH has a long term medical condition and needs an electric medical bed.

I don’t miss him, sleep better and can read etc without requests to put the light out. Spaniel is delighted as he now occupies DH’s space and doesn’t care about duvets! If we want to ‘snuggle’ I go to DH’s room, leaving him with the wet patch.

658Doyouknowwheremysparkis · 04/05/2022 11:53

Sorry for the bold type was a mistake

Whatlovelyweather · 04/05/2022 11:58

Feministwoman · 26/04/2022 02:51

We sleep in separate rooms. For impeccable reasons, snoring, different wants over bedding, room temp, etc.
I hate it. I really, really regret moving into the other room.
Originally it was because I had horrific C PTSD night terrors and also peri menopausal sweats and disturbed sleep stuff.

It was meant to be very temporary Then it just sort of continued.
It's lovely in some ways,, I've made it a room for me, with furnishings I like.
But only because I'm forced to make the best of my circumstances.
But, I don't want to be here, I want to be in bed next to DH. I miss the cosy sleepy chats next to each other. I miss the casual opportunity for sex, just because we are close. I miss the cuddles and chats and sleepy sex.
Even though my room is lovely, I hate this

Can you go back to sharing?

Attwoodsladyfriend · 04/05/2022 11:58

Your relationship is working really well for you but you’re completely sexless and now considering separate rooms? Doesn’t sound good.

Feministwoman · 04/05/2022 12:12

Whatlovelyweather · 04/05/2022 11:58

Can you go back to sharing?

Show quote history

No, because neither of us sleep well if we do. We do get into one bed for early morning tea every day, though, so there is still contact and conversation.
On balance, it is better getting some sleep