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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Words of wisdom needed

4 replies

PaperKites · 25/04/2022 11:52

My Husband and I, (together 13 years) have separated. We have two young kids, age 1 and 2. He had been having an affair, I’ve known about it for a while and it’s taken me a while to work up the courage to tell him that its over. This relationship is all I’ve ever known, and I feel like because I have two children so young, I couldn’t do it on my own. It’s also taken me a while to get everything sorted out for life on my own. He left early this morning, and honestly, I have all sorts going through my head. He has said he is devastated and can’t believe he’s going to lose his family etc, one minute I think, do I owe it to my two children to try this again and see if it can work, and on the other hand I think, I’ll be fine, I just need to be strong and carry on. My family are on holiday just now, I haven’t told a soul. I’m a very private person as it is anyway, I need some words of wisdom from anyone who has been in this position. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
smurfmonkey · 25/04/2022 13:04

Oh bless you, I'm currently there although not married and no kids. I'm also a private person and hadn't old anyone of my suspicions until we actually split.

Although he's said he's devastated, is he more devastated that you found out? Was the affair already over by this point?

There is no right or wrong answer to this. I would still happily take my partner back at this point, although he's decided he no longer loves me so isn't an option anyway.

I guess you need to ask yourself if you could ever trust him again. Relationships aren't black and white and while affairs are inexcusable, they happen.

If you decide you've made the right decision then you will survive this and so will your kids 🙂

PaperKites · 25/04/2022 14:19

@smurfmonkey Thank you for replying. I’m sorry that your also in this position, and I hope you’re ok. It was still ongoing, but he has assured me, the minute I found out, it was over, and I have no doubt that it is, but obviously the damage has been done and I’m heartbroken. I only wonder if this is the right decision because of my two children, and how they’re life will be, growing up, in comparison to how I thought it would be. I also worry about being apart from them etc

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Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2022 14:26

He's devastated, eh? Too bad he didn't consider the consequences before he started shagging another woman. He's sorry he got caught and he's sorry his easy, cosy little life is all gone, but he's not sorry for how he's hurt you. He never would have had an affair if he really cared. What a pathetic, cliche of a man.

Fuck him. You will do brilliantly.

PaperKites · 25/04/2022 14:51

@Aquamarine1029 Yep, that was exactly my words to him when he said that. This day has been coming for so long, but now it’s here, it feels real and I’m worried about the future, my kids etc.

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