Has anyone had therapy for narcissistic abuse?

[coleslawsuzy]

That's it really. I'm recently out of a relationship with a man who I strongly believe is a narcissist. It was on/off for three years and I just don't know how to get my head around it. I've had therapy in the past and usually consider myself quite emotionally intelligent, but there is something about this that I just can't think straight about. I know it's right not to be with him, so why do I feel so awful and sad and confused? Be great to hear if anyone has had therapy to deal with narc abuse, and what sort of therapy that was. Or any other ways you've processed it. Thank so much in advance x

Do you have instagram?

I follow mentalhealnesss - three s’ at the end. The guy is a diagnosed narcissist in therapy, and he aims to help victims. A lot of what he posts helped me realise how much I’d been through, there’s a lot of really good content on there and links to other pages.

I’m sorry you’re going through this x

I do - thank you so much, I'll take a look now. I'm sorry for you too - it's awful isn't it?! I think I'm pretty smart, not a pushover, but this has really knocked me for six x

I think that’s one of the hardest things to come to terms with. I’m usually very strong, independent…how did I let this happen? It makes you really question yourself x

Counselling can really help you to process. Someone who understands narcissistic abuse.

I have and it transformed my life.

it was counselling but someone who has a particular interest in narcs and it was via a referral from my domestic abuse support worker.
I think it also helped that we clicked as individuals and had similar senses of humour.
it does sound cliched but it was like a light was turned on in my life and a weight left my shoulders. I stopped asking why did he do this to me and understood it was never about me, although of course I learned to accept it was entirely correct he does mean to crush me for being brave enough to fly away and save our children too. But he won’t crush us.

It is amazing and heartbreaking to me at the same time that so much damage was done by someone so small: if you truly heal yourself from - in my case nine years of - narc abuse then you will have a feeling of looking down on your life and history: you will see how truly pathetic and lost they are. I rarely even feel angry anymore towards him, this just stops you living my best and happiest life following the horror. And it is horror.

I had some counselling but it wasn't the best. A year on and I'm still processing it all. I read a lot in the early stages and narcs and getting over breakups in general. Lots of walking in nature, now have a dog.
I haven't fully recovered, my self esteem is still quite low, although I'm much better than I was! He dated straight away and is in a new relationship, that is his pattern. I still can't make sense or figure it. His words haunt me. I'm trying to learn it wasn't about me. The put downs etc was to control me.
I often wonder if his new girlfriend is suffering the same. She is certainly in his trap from what I saw on social media. I've stopped looking, as again it is giving him power. There is definitely a trauma bond and I'm still trying to break it.
Definitely recommend counselling, it's finding the right person for it

Directories (BACP, Counselling Directory, Psychology Today) usually have search boxes where you can search for a particular word. The directory profile and any possible web site link will give you a sense of how well they understand narcissistic abuse. Many counsellors work online now, so it might open you up to people who are not in your area.

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. I actually started therapy with someone who has extensive experience of victims of narcissistic abuse last week. I've only done one session so far, but honestly the difference it's made to speak to somebody who completely understands it and validates it, is huge.