Feel dumped by my mum (as an adult !)

[Kittycooo]

Me and my sister have been close to my mum over the years , especially since our dad died:

she has now got a new relationship with some man she met OLD (initially v on / off which caused her a little of anxiety but increasingly on ) . Anyway since it’s been ‘on’ she has literally dumped me, my sister, her grandchildren . My paternal uncle recently passed away and she didn’t come to the funeral, much to the upset of me and my sister.

there is now hardly any contact unless we imitate it and then it’s minimal

how can someone dump their kids like this? Any words of wisdom ? Thanks

Might her new man have an eye on the inheritance?

I think you can’t make someone want you. It is what it is. And you have the bonus that she’s not being cruel to your child about their sexuality,. I wouldn’t want to be seeing her following that, anyway.

That had crossed my mind . He seems solvent enough but doesn’t own a property. He is also a fair bit older than her (he’s 80) and not in great health ..

yeah exactly , she’s been vile about my child and i haven’t seen her much because of it really . I’ve challenged her about it many times but she never changes her tune

It's a poor show. I found the tiny tot years v hard. Relationships with your adult children are the reward for the snotty nose years!! But, if you have the emotional intelligence of a ten yr old, it's easier to live in the moment, do what's easiest to avoid EVER feeling conflicted. Choosing a "relationship" over dc of any age is so needy and emotionally immature

I loved the 'snotty' nosed years - though my DC weren't snotty-nosed. Mostly lovely and sweet looking back. Not everyone has the same experience as PP! Adult and teenage DC, not-so-much in my case, various 'issues'.

However, I would not do what the OP's mother has done. Hurtful. My mother is also like this but then she always was really (selfish). Not everyone gets to enjoy and play happy families, unfortunately. I think especially women like to have some connection with their mothers and we can feel 'deprived' in some way when we are so easily and apparently summarily dismissed . Have you got an idea of what to do to next OP, if anything?

On a positive note, you could stay in polite contact - birthday cards, occasional calls, but apart from that you are "free" to live your life. She may or may not come round, but at least you have kept the door slightly ajar. If she's engrossed with her 80 year old "new man", there's not really much more you can do.